#444

The floorboards, ceilings, walls, and doors had spent all day preparing themselves to be judged by an independent panel.

#443

Passionate about her campaign, the painter tried to canvas support. However, after she was framed for a crime, most people brushed her off easelly.

#442

Songs about loneliness constitute the genre known as sole music.

#441

What did the man say when the bus ran over him?

"I'm crushed."

#440

Silvi couldn't stop watching films starring women with superpowers. She had to face it: she had a heroine addiction.

#439

For Catherine, arithmetic was dull; there was nothing that could make her feel number.

#438

Sophie the sock had had enough of enduring the oppression of the washing machine. It was time to break the cycle.

#437

What is the most popular song of empowerment among endangered seals?

Flo Rida feat David Guetta - Club Can't Handle Me

#436

Allow me to make you an ice cream. After all, I owe you a flavour.

#435

Carrie was a great matchmaker. She could always help people to ignite a flame.

#434

I have news of a recent advancement in wizarding technology. The latest wands are fitted with a spell checker.

#433

Freshwater crustaceans - they be cray cray.

#432

I would teach you how to shoot without aiming down the sight, but I'm afraid that that would be outside the scope of this course.

#431

If you hear someone use the description "cheap as chips", it is wise to clarify whether they are referring to potato or silicon.

#430

Many farm animals are devoutly religious. Most of them are Cattle-ics.

#429

How does a porpoise give its official approval?

With its endorsal fins.

#428

Why are porpoises always smiling?

They always have endor-fins.

#427

A: My exercise regime has worked well. I'm such a tank!

B: A tank? More like a Panzy.

#426

How does Mario access the Internet?

Using a web Bowser.

#425

Rodney the ambitious businessman was not satisfied with making a living. He intended to make a killing.

#424

Judges don't do dating. They do courtship.

#423

Where are perfumes manufactured?

In an olfactory.

#422

The arms industry made a killing out of the last war.

#421

A: Stop trying to drink away your problems. No alcohol will help you to put that shelf together.

B: What if I have a Screwdriver?

#420

What did the pig apply to his rash?

Oinkment.

#419

Why must the Queen be at every procession? She always has to reign on our parade.

#418

Teacher: Use the word urinal in a sentence.

Student: If you can't make it to the bathroom in time, ur-in-a-lot of trouble.

#417

A: Did you notice any Norse gods around here?

B: No, nothing out of the Odinary.

#416

What do you call an unusual imperfection in food?

An om-nom-anomaly.

#415

A: The amputee told on me? What a goody-one-shoe!

B: Careful, if he hears you, he'll really put his foot down. Not that he can lift it.

#414

Abandoned by her former fellow humans as she jerkily staggered along, Lila the zombie felt that she had been left in the lurch.

#413

Baking chocolate sweets will earn you brownie points.

#412

Despite the creative attempts of Jim's lawyer, "getting into the Olympic spirit" and "misinterpreting the meaning of breast stroke" was not a valid defence for indecent assault.

#411

A: Fifty bucks is too much for a burger!

B: It is very deer.

#410

"And this is my friend Leila. She lost her eyes about ten years ago. Hey, Leila! Long time no see!"

#409

What did Oliver Twist say in the Indian restaurant?

"Please can I have samosa?"

#408

Why is graphic design like performing baptisms?

You have to choose a font.

#407

The mad scientist often argued with his laboratory equipment, but he could never have the last word with the retort stand.

#406

Models are used to being photographed; this is why they are such snappy dressers.

#405

I hate playing International Relations Uno with her. She always plays the race card.

#404

Carl, whose only skill was jumping from one pony to another at full gallop, had a brief circus career, since no one wants to see a one-trick pony, even if he is a one-two-pony-trick pony, because that sounds like someone using a pony's inability to count in order to deceive it, which is just mean.

#403

What's the best part of a cooking contest?

The nom-ination process.

#402

"If you're an amputee and you know it, clap your - oh. Never mind."

Some people may find this offensive, but I say it's just an armless joke.

#401

Many people exercise to tone their body, hoping to obtain, among other things, a gluteus minimus.

#400

Embroidery is sew totally awesome.

#399

Helmut is a designer who has combined his passion for underwear and food storage, creating pantryhose and larderhosen.

#398

Why is underage drinking illegal?

To avoid minor hiccups.

#397

Given the option of the euro, Britain is debating whether to remain bound to the pound, or to call it quids.

#396

What do you call someone whom birds can easily persuade to surrender his food?

Gullible.

#395

What did the funk musician say to the driver of his van when he wanted it moved to a road over a river?

"Take it to the bridge."