Wednesday, 30 November 2016


What do fly halves drink before a game?

A kicking tea.


A: Why was there no post yesterday?

B: The writer resisted an attack by a taxidermist.

A: Okay, that has nothing to do with the missing post. This time you're really not making any-

B: He couldn't be stuffed!

Monday, 28 November 2016


Employer: So you want to be a comic book character?

Auditionee: Yes I do!

Employer: Well then, you're going to have to strip!

Audtionee: Oh no. My dreams and my dignity.

Sunday, 27 November 2016


Judy always assumed that whatever people said to her was related to the shoreline; she had a tendency to take things littorally.

Saturday, 26 November 2016


Celeste's audience was stunned by the precision of her pencil; truly, her sharpening skills were on point.

Friday, 25 November 2016


What do you call a warning placed on fish eggs?

A caviart.

Thursday, 24 November 2016


Lorenzo's excessive sweat kept him humble; he was known for his humidity.

Wednesday, 23 November 2016


What do you call a specially granted right to access a bathroom?

A privy-lege.

Tuesday, 22 November 2016


What do you call an unenjoyable food tasting experience?

A disgustation.

Monday, 21 November 2016


What do you call street art that depicts mathematical functions?


Sunday, 20 November 2016


What do you call a group of American soldiers shipwrecked on an island?

US maroons.

Saturday, 19 November 2016


The tailor never held a grudge; he always felt that it was better to build a britch and get over it.

Friday, 18 November 2016


People from countries with fiery cuisine often fall sick when travelling abroad, due to the sudden lack of spice in their diet. This is known as blandular fever.

Thursday, 17 November 2016


What do you call the feeling when insects build you up but then are disappointing?

An ant-iclimax.

Wednesday, 16 November 2016


The new and improved mop wiped the floor with its competitors.

Tuesday, 15 November 2016


Why do churches have candles?

For the lit-urgy.


A: Why was there no post yesterday?

B: The writer was being initiated into a group of women who live together and embroider unusual patterns.

A: What are you-

B: He joined a sew-rarity.

Sunday, 13 November 2016


What do you call someone who makes people bankrupt for a living?

A broker.

Saturday, 12 November 2016


What do you call it when you remove the part of someone's brain that recognises plants?

A lobotany.

Friday, 11 November 2016


What kind of turtle is the most easily frightened?

A terror-pin.

Thursday, 10 November 2016


What do you call the process of carving words into a tombstone?


Wednesday, 9 November 2016


What do you call a writer who seeks to impose power?


Tuesday, 8 November 2016


What do you call a band that hits its grooves?


Monday, 7 November 2016


After the Japanese attacks, concerns of sensitivity forced the US government to cancel its plan to rename Pearl Harbour as Bombay.

Sunday, 6 November 2016


Which politicians primarily focus on policies surrounding jam?

Members of the Conserve-ative party.

Saturday, 5 November 2016


What did the altar server say to the priest after diluting the communion wine?

"Forgive me father, for I have thinned."

Friday, 4 November 2016


"So yes, I can organise a private locomotive, just for you, whenever you need it."

Ellan sighed. She was beginning to realise that the readers of her local paper, while apparently well-connected in the public transport industry, had seriously misunderstood what she meant by "seeking a personal trainer".

Thursday, 3 November 2016


What do you call people who have degrees from a mail delivery service?

Post graduates.

Wednesday, 2 November 2016


The workers at the unlicensed waxing clinic lived in constant fear of the fuzz.

Tuesday, 1 November 2016


The presidential candidate, criticised for her sternness, attempted to soften her gaze using a tender-eyes-er.