Wednesday 29 February 2012
Tuesday 28 February 2012
Monday 27 February 2012
Sunday 26 February 2012
#257
Teacher: Use the expression village green in a sentence.
Student: The one person in any small town who is always ill is called the village green.
Student: The one person in any small town who is always ill is called the village green.
Saturday 25 February 2012
#256
I met an utterly deranged man today. He has a cupboard in which he keeps the bones of people who never admitted to being gay. At least, I think that that's what he meant when he said that he had some skeletons in the closet.
Friday 24 February 2012
#255
The Catholic Church has released a statement in which it expresses its strong opposition to queue-jumping, including testimonies from couples who decided to wait.
Thursday 23 February 2012
Wednesday 22 February 2012
#253
A: That building's about to fall to the ground!
B: I'm glad that you understand the gravity of the situation.
A: That's horribly insensitive! Do you know how many people are going to die when that skyscraper collapses?
B: That's towerible!
A: This is no laughing matter! I cannot stand your heartless mockery any longer.
B: Nor can the building stand any longer.
A: That is enough! You have gone too far. You are being charged with criminal tastelessness. As your punishment, you may choose either to take a corrective course, or to pay a fine.
B: My only options are coarse and fine? Don't you have anything in between? Medium grain, perhaps?
A: There is another option. It involves me shooting you.
B: Oh no! Don't jump the gun! I don't want to bite the bullet!
Pause. A gunshot.
B: What triggered this, A? I barrel-ly said anything.
B: I'm glad that you understand the gravity of the situation.
A: That's horribly insensitive! Do you know how many people are going to die when that skyscraper collapses?
B: That's towerible!
A: This is no laughing matter! I cannot stand your heartless mockery any longer.
B: Nor can the building stand any longer.
A: That is enough! You have gone too far. You are being charged with criminal tastelessness. As your punishment, you may choose either to take a corrective course, or to pay a fine.
B: My only options are coarse and fine? Don't you have anything in between? Medium grain, perhaps?
A: There is another option. It involves me shooting you.
B: Oh no! Don't jump the gun! I don't want to bite the bullet!
Pause. A gunshot.
B: What triggered this, A? I barrel-ly said anything.
Tuesday 21 February 2012
Monday 20 February 2012
#251
A: These conical tents are the typical dwelling of the Native Americans of the Great Plains.
B: One could say that they are their teepee-cal dwelling ... A? Where did you get that tomahawk, A?
B: One could say that they are their teepee-cal dwelling ... A? Where did you get that tomahawk, A?
Sunday 19 February 2012
#250
A: I believe that what was keeping everyone awake was an aesthetic issue.
B: Really? Anaesthetic usually puts people to sleep.
B: Really? Anaesthetic usually puts people to sleep.
Saturday 18 February 2012
#249
A: You were afraid of a moth?
B: It was enormous!
A: You were afraid of a slightly larger than average moth?
B: This was not simply a large moth. This was a behemoth.
B: It was enormous!
A: You were afraid of a slightly larger than average moth?
B: This was not simply a large moth. This was a behemoth.
Friday 17 February 2012
#248
A: Have you seen that magician's trick? It's amazing! Poof! And it's gone!
B: Kind of like a gay pride march.
B: Kind of like a gay pride march.
Thursday 16 February 2012
Wednesday 15 February 2012
Tuesday 14 February 2012
#245
Every now and then, I swallow my hands.
And then...
I throw my hands up in the air sometimes,
Saying ay-oh, got to let go.
And then...
I throw my hands up in the air sometimes,
Saying ay-oh, got to let go.
Monday 13 February 2012
#244
When protecting her musical instruments from the elements, she was very thorough. She always made sure that she covered all her basses.
Sunday 12 February 2012
#243
For hospital administrators, the most important area of mathematics is the order of operations.
Saturday 11 February 2012
#242
Which novel by Charles Dickens tells the story of a young man convicted of indecent assault?
David Cop-a-feel.
David Cop-a-feel.
Friday 10 February 2012
Thursday 9 February 2012
Wednesday 8 February 2012
Tuesday 7 February 2012
Monday 6 February 2012
Sunday 5 February 2012
Saturday 4 February 2012
#235
The angry birds launch furious attacks at self-satisfied pigs who lie around doing nothing all day. It's Gender Studies the video game!
Friday 3 February 2012
Thursday 2 February 2012
Wednesday 1 February 2012
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)