Thursday, 31 December 2015


Hollywood actors go to eternal damnation via the house of Ms Klum - you can see them passing through the gates of Heidi's.

Wednesday, 30 December 2015


The male sheep dormitories were often unruly; today, the farmer noted that they were particularly ram-bunk-tious.

Tuesday, 29 December 2015


What kind of decorative sheet is known for its use in hip hop?

Rapping paper.

Monday, 28 December 2015

Sunday, 27 December 2015

Saturday, 26 December 2015


What did the priest say when the members of the secret sect received their final sacrament of Catholic initiation?

"Illuminati confirmed."

Friday, 25 December 2015


The birth of Jesus went smoothly, with both mother and child in a stable condition.

Thursday, 24 December 2015


What is the culinary opposite of a baguette?


Wednesday, 23 December 2015


How would you describe a significant piece for a church choir?


Tuesday, 22 December 2015


How can you tell if a drunk crowd doesn't like you?

You can hear their booze.

Monday, 21 December 2015


What is used to stop drinks from leaving stains on tables at beachside bars?


Sunday, 20 December 2015


What do you call it when a checkered sponge cake is squashed?

Flattenberg cake.

Saturday, 19 December 2015


What did the Jedi say to the plumber on her first day?

"May the faucet be with you."

Friday, 18 December 2015

Thursday, 17 December 2015

Wednesday, 16 December 2015


A: I love those guys! They always bring such light to the room.

B: That's not that impressive.

A: What do you mean?

B: I think it takes a lot more effort to bring heavy.

Tuesday, 15 December 2015


What symbolic gesture did the Greek slaves make when reclaiming their freedom?

They threw off their fetas.

Monday, 14 December 2015


What did 18th century peasants use as napkins?


Sunday, 13 December 2015


What form of energy is the most democratic?


Saturday, 12 December 2015


What kind of lung disease is caused by eating too many root vegetables?


Friday, 11 December 2015


Why did Zeus hate show-off minor deities?

They were always trying to steal his thunder.

Thursday, 10 December 2015


What do you call a German Christmas bread which you took without paying?

Stolen (Give-it-b├Ąck).

Wednesday, 9 December 2015


What was the prisoner with an Oedipal complex served while in prison?

Freudian slop.

Tuesday, 8 December 2015


How did the group of black lovers tell their parrot that they wanted to add a white member?

"Poly want a cracker."

Monday, 7 December 2015

Sunday, 6 December 2015


Which structure in train stations consists of interwoven waiting areas?

A plait-form.

Saturday, 5 December 2015


What song did Green Day write about an unrepeatable encounter with a stopwatch?

Timer of Your Life


A: Why wasn't there a post yesterday?

B: The writer took a day off to work to be wise about stomach exercises.

A: What do you mean?

B: I just explained his ab-sense.

Thursday, 3 December 2015


As he looked around the orchard one last time, Zorro knew that he would cherry-sh these memories forever.

Wednesday, 2 December 2015


What do the British lower classes use to moisturise their lips?


Tuesday, 1 December 2015


What do you call the study of electronic plant substitutes?