Sunday, 31 May 2015


What do you call someone printing in a hurry?

Hard pressed.

Saturday, 30 May 2015


What is the name for the mapping of underground surfaces?


Friday, 29 May 2015


What kind of organisation predicts future couples?

A shipping company.

Thursday, 28 May 2015


What is the name for the study of the mentality behind Gangnam Style?


Wednesday, 27 May 2015


What is the most specific kind of sports bra?

A push-up bra.

Tuesday, 26 May 2015


What is the name of the process by which a demon prepares a human for entry?


Monday, 25 May 2015


What kind of dog enjoys touring the world?

A jet setter.

Sunday, 24 May 2015


What happens to old Egyptians as the float down the river towards the ocean?

They become sea-Nile.

Saturday, 23 May 2015


How can you tell that an electron is feeling energetic?

It comes out of its shell.

Friday, 22 May 2015


What do you call a group of gangsters who can be identified by their necklaces?

A chain gang.

Thursday, 21 May 2015


What do you call a vampire who raises the dead in order to seduce them?

A neck-romancer.

Wednesday, 20 May 2015


What did the student say while submitting an essay?

"Mark my words."

Tuesday, 19 May 2015


A: Lately, every time my children speak, they say a group of words without any verbs!

B: Don't worry. I'm sure it's just a phrase.

Monday, 18 May 2015


How did the wall celebrate its birthday?

By getting plastered.

Sunday, 17 May 2015


"This isn't a real celebration of supermarket cashier's desks! This is just a counter-fĂȘte!"

Saturday, 16 May 2015


What kind of magical creature is known for not caring about justice?

An unfairy.

Friday, 15 May 2015


The candlemaker sighed; these customers were beginning to get on his wick.

Thursday, 14 May 2015


Teacher: Use the word fervent in a sentence.

Student: An opening to gather a cat's hair is called a fur-vent.

Wednesday, 13 May 2015


Which piece of smartphone software measures the power usage of the device?


Tuesday, 12 May 2015


A: Why do you always disagree with my fruit choices?

B: I enjoy playing the devil's avocado.

Monday, 11 May 2015


The stationery innovator was always trying to push the envelope.

Sunday, 10 May 2015


What do you call the pain caused by an excessively heavy backpack?


Saturday, 9 May 2015


What did the enthusiastic business owner say about her preference for solitude?

"I enjoy my own company."

Friday, 8 May 2015


What do you call a brief video about trimming nails?

A clip.

Thursday, 7 May 2015

Wednesday, 6 May 2015


What happened when the satyromaniac cowboy fell sick?

He was bedridden.

Tuesday, 5 May 2015


A: What do you mean, it used to be a flying vehicle?

B: I'm sorry, I can't ex-plane.

Monday, 4 May 2015


What was used to construct a sling when the French sculptor fractured her arm?

Plaster of Paris.

Sunday, 3 May 2015


How did the city dweller apologise for his grumpiness in the country side?

"Sorry to be such a towner."

Saturday, 2 May 2015


The former beekeeper recalled to this day the day that her hive abandoned her; she could still feel the sting of rejection.

Friday, 1 May 2015


What did the undertaker say about the necrophiliacs?

"They want the D-ceased."