Monday 29 February 2016

#1721

Why is it bad to attack people's cats?

You might hurt their felines.

Sunday 28 February 2016

#1720

What do you call the process by which the ocean moves up and down continually?

Sea-sawing.

Saturday 27 February 2016

#1719

What do you call the state of being frightened of pollution?

Atmos-fear.

Friday 26 February 2016

#1718

What should people smoke if they don't like sharp-smelling marijuana?

Smoke blunts.

Thursday 25 February 2016

#1717

What do you call the process of rigging the Olympics?

Medalling.

Wednesday 24 February 2016

#1716

What kind of frozen confectionery can be used to propel a boat?

Paddle pops.

Tuesday 23 February 2016

#1715

What part of Sydney was named after the way it inspired rage in a monarch?

King's Cross.

Monday 22 February 2016

#1714

Why did the police officer stop children from sleeping during the day?

Because kid-napping is illegal.

Sunday 21 February 2016

#1713

Exhausted and disheartened, the assembly line worker struggled to solder onwards.

Saturday 20 February 2016

#1712

How do you describe a programmer who is humble about the upgrades that they write for games?

Mod-est.

Friday 19 February 2016

#1711

What did the fussy cannibal say to the catering staff?

"Don't give me none of your lip."

Thursday 18 February 2016

#1710

Why did the sniper never report failed missions?

He didn't like to miss and tell.

Wednesday 17 February 2016

#1709

Why did the couple break up after retiring from bodybuilding?

They weren't working out any more.

Tuesday 16 February 2016

#1708

What kind of cars do golf assistants drive?

Caddy-lacs.

Monday 15 February 2016

#1707

What kind of IT work is there at a toilet store?

Cisterns management.

Sunday 14 February 2016

#1706

What game can you play after knocking over a group of old people?

Pick up sticks.

Saturday 13 February 2016

#1705

A: Hey, can you do me a solid?

B: Sorry, I've been constipated for a week.

Friday 12 February 2016

#1704

What do you call the reasoning behind the distribution of food in wartime?

The rationale.

Thursday 11 February 2016

#1703

A: Why did you give binoculars to the geese?

B: What's good for a gander is good for a goose.

Wednesday 10 February 2016

#1702

On what day does the Catholic Church celebrate the protagonist of the Pokémon franchise?

Ash Wednesday.

Tuesday 9 February 2016

#1701

What do you call a manipulative real estate agent?

A suite talker.

Monday 8 February 2016

#1700

What do you call a small pile of garbage made of leftover Chinese food?

A dumpling.

Sunday 7 February 2016

Saturday 6 February 2016

#1698

How does a tree fetishist keep notes on his conquests?

He enters them in the log.

Friday 5 February 2016

#1697

What kind of device can be used to decorate bedsheets?

A quilt pen.

Thursday 4 February 2016

#1696

Which famous Parisian cabaret features burrowing insectivores as the dancers?

The Mole-in Rouge.

Wednesday 3 February 2016

#1695

What did the bigot say when asked what kind of washing liquid he wanted?

"No Omo."

Tuesday 2 February 2016

#1694

A: We can't do it now that the police officer has left the building.

B: That's a bit of a cop-out.

Monday 1 February 2016

#1693

A: Apparently she rapped all the tracks the day that she lost her jobs.

B: I knew that that mixtape was fired.