Monday, 31 October 2016


What do you call a practical joke involving a baby stroller?

A pramk.

Sunday, 30 October 2016


Why don't dogs vote?

They're not interested in paw-litics.


A: Why was there no post yesterday?

B: The writer was being initiated into a group of men who live together and play guitar.

A: What are you-

B: He joined a freternity.

Friday, 28 October 2016


Why does Gwen Stefani refuse to reciprocate subscriptions on social media?

She ain't no follow-back girl.

Thursday, 27 October 2016


What chicken dish is permitted by law to be used as currency?

Legal tenders.

Wednesday, 26 October 2016


What do you call people who used to know a lot about how to be lively?


Tuesday, 25 October 2016


What do you call a device concealed among the gears of a machine?


Monday, 24 October 2016


What do you call a set meal offered by a roving vendor?

À la cart.

Sunday, 23 October 2016


During what phase of the lunar cycle do apes attempt to remove their hair?

The waxing gibbons.

Saturday, 22 October 2016


The chefs wanted to be known for making the best broths - all their lives, they battled for soup-remacy.

Friday, 21 October 2016


What kind of water sport is most suitable for mourning a death?


Thursday, 20 October 2016


What do you call it when it takes a long time to acquire relishes and liquid condiments at a barbecue?

A sauce-age.

Wednesday, 19 October 2016


What's the hardest thing for a shy turtle to do?

Coming out of its shell.

Tuesday, 18 October 2016

Monday, 17 October 2016


At the sight of the sweets, the dog couldn't stop its tongue from lollying out of its mouth.

Sunday, 16 October 2016


After only receiving a loose shirt for all her hard work, Heather felt that she'd been given a blousy deal.

Saturday, 15 October 2016


After venturing onto the rough water, Melanie was stunned by the rapidity of the current.

Friday, 14 October 2016


What is the shortest amount of time that a person can spend inside a tavern?

An inn-stant.

Thursday, 13 October 2016


What do you call a model who is tired of turning around for cameras?


Wednesday, 12 October 2016


Zeus had never intended the devastating forest fires; he thought that he was just lightning the mood.

Tuesday, 11 October 2016


What did the cyclist say when his road bike struggled to support him on a bumpy mountain track?

"The suspension is killing me."

Monday, 10 October 2016


In which battle did the Allies and the Axis compete to find the most obese solider?

The Battle of the Bulge.

Sunday, 9 October 2016


The Allied arrival in Italy made the German troops very Anzio-us.

Saturday, 8 October 2016


Why was Montgomery's Eighth Army sent to Tripoli?

He couldn't find the other 87.5% of the British troops.

Friday, 7 October 2016


What kind of German submarine was powered by sheep?

The ewe-boat.

Thursday, 6 October 2016


Which US seaport known for its knitters was the first to be attacked by Japan?

Purl Harbour.

Wednesday, 5 October 2016


As the Germans arrived, the young Parisian who had prided himself on remaining unemployed faced his greatest fear: occupation.

Tuesday, 4 October 2016


What agreement was designed to bind Germany and Italy to assist each other in artwork theft throughout the war?

The Pact of Steal.


A: Why was there no post yesterday?

B: The writer had to play cricket and faced every ball.

A: So?

B: He was on strike all day.

Sunday, 2 October 2016


What do you call an early prototype of a beer recipe?

A first draught.

Saturday, 1 October 2016


What do you call a graph of the most impressive seizures observed in an epilepsy ward?

A line of best fit.