#710

Richard the famous physicist was generally considered to be a Fine man.

#709

The belly dancing instructor preferred to be known as a navel commander.

#708

Colin the cricket umpire was a messy eater at the best of times, but since he had started bringing honey and marmalade sandwiches to work, the players had found themselves on a rather sticky wicket.

#707

A: He spiked their drinks with sleeping pills.

B: That's sop-horrific!

#706

The politician's promise to import brightly coloured neotropical birds with large beaks was dismissed by many as empty toucanism.

#705

The ancient broth recipe stewed the test of time.

#704

A: Why are you avoiding me?

B: I heard it was your berth-day.

#703

The Middle Eastern baker reflected that the best thing about having kids was waking up to the pita patter of little feet.

#702

The tortoise beat the hare by carapacing itself.

#701

For Josh, the most uncomfortable aspect of changing his strings was the tension it created.

#700

No matter how widely he opened his mouth, the cannibalistic lion could not swallow his pride.

#699

Who can survive in the Sahara?

An Afri can.

#698

What beverage was used as an instrument throughout 80s pop songs?

Ab-synth.

#697

How do bakers challenge each other's credibility?

"Do you even sift, bro?"

#696

A: Did all the self-absorbed people find adjacent chairs?

B: Yes, they are con-seated.

#695

The mirror couldn't help showing people images of themselves. It was a reflects action.

#694

How do you spot radiologists at a party?

They're the ones scanning the room.

#693

Why was King Solomon often asked to resolve conflicts?

He was an excellent ad-Jew-dicator.

#692

One year ago, Millicent wouldn't have had the confidence to lift a large rock, but since she'd started moving small and medium-sized stones, she had been getting boulder.

#691

Have you heard the one about the computer that could stop time? It never gets old.

#690

What happened when the bread maker took drugs?

He got baked.

#689

A: He doesn't want any of our minerals.

B: Well, less phos for him, more phos for us.

#688

Teacher: Use the word dispersion in a sentence.

Student: Dispersion is from Tehran, but that Persian is from Isfahan.

#687

After 20 years working in a pencil shop, Gladys felt that her career was stationary.

#686

The Jewish community in Japan has established a Whaling Wall.

#685

A: These small nails are really ugly.

B: Are you saying that they look tacky?

#684

What word appears at the end of any film about sharks?

Fin.

#683

What did the madam say when her girls returned to work after a holiday?

"Long time, no D."

#682

What do you call someone who sells narcotics from a bicycle?

A drug peddler.

#681

Composers who use too many triplets tend to be arrested and kept inside a compound.

#680

What do bees do when they're angry?

Cross-pollination.

#679

A: My ballroom dancing teacher says that I'm an absolute failure.

B: Don't worry, A. There are plenty of other dances you can try. An abun-dance, if you will.

[Pause. A crunching sound.]

B: For example, you excel at high kicks.

#678

Who sings the best break-up songs?

Dolly Partin'.

#677

The dictator was tired of improper male geese. It was time for some propaganda.

#676

Marina was disappointed by the lack of interest in her warm baked goods business - she had expected them to sell like hot cakes.

#675

Given his name, the music of Carcassi is surprisingly lively.

#674

As a job, de-seeding cherries would be the pits.

#673

Having just arrived at the Manhattan statistics conference, Tessa was in an empirical state of mind.

#672

Robin's parents intervened as soon as he started modifying their front fence - they knew that it could be a gateway to more serious construction projects.

#671

I want to write books about a nineteenth century German philosopher, but I'm afraid that it would only appeal to a Nietzsche market.

#670

A: You only sell tickets at a fixed price? What about discounts for children, students, or seniors?

B: I'm afraid that we make no such concessions.

#669

"They're running out of plastic tubes intended for transferring a beverage from its container to the mouth of the drinker by use of suction? This is the last straw!"

#668

I amino state to do this chemistry exam.

#667

"It's elementary, my dear Watson. At seven o'clock that morning, he was searching for his missing deodorant. At eight o'clock, he was found dead on his bathroom floor. Well, that very same bottle of deodorant is on this table. There is no mystery to this murder, Watson. Right before our eyes, we have the missing Lynx."

#666

In what shape is hay served to Cattle-ics?

In a Christian Bale.

#665

What did Lady Macbeth say while doing her laundry?

"Out, damned spot! out, I say!"

#664

Noah had included a private cabin so that he would have a space to himself when the animals arked up too much.

#663

After quitting her job as a human rotating clothes rack, a position she had held for the past twenty years, Erin was dismayed to find that her old colleagues were calling her a turncoat.

#662

Diehard Republicans will always Barack for Obama.

#661

Many asthma sufferers find the traditions of the Vatican to be incense-itive.