Wednesday, 30 September 2015


What do you call a cat's journey to find formal garments?

A purr-suit.

Tuesday, 29 September 2015


What was the athletics coach's favourite photography technique?

Time laps.

Monday, 28 September 2015


What do you call a confusingly structured science workplace?

A lab-yrinth.

Sunday, 27 September 2015


The first sex robots were very difficult to use; it was far too easy to blow a fuse.

Saturday, 26 September 2015


How did Dylan Thomas cut his date's lip?

He did not go gentle into that good night.

Friday, 25 September 2015


Years of working in the traffic centre of an airport had made it very hard for Eloise to maintain a relationship - all her partners complained that she was too controlling.

Thursday, 24 September 2015


Why did the auditor hate inspecting the nail salon?

They had the most complicated filing system.

Wednesday, 23 September 2015


After the first engineer's arms were chopped off by the malfunctioning device, none of the others were willing to try their hand.

Tuesday, 22 September 2015


How did Dylan Thomas stub his toe in the garden?

He did not go gentle into that good night.

Monday, 21 September 2015


Why did the computer programmers want to make sure that there were no elephants on the internet?

They would squash it.

Sunday, 20 September 2015


What do you call secret tribal rituals?

Clan-destine activies.

Saturday, 19 September 2015


Why did the general enter his soldiers into a car race?

To rally the troops.

Friday, 18 September 2015


A: Do you always read the whole newspaper?

B: No, just whatever artickles my fancy.

Thursday, 17 September 2015


Why did the fashion designer refuse to wear ripped jeans indoors?

Because they were meant to be worn out.

Wednesday, 16 September 2015


Upon arriving in the colony of blind people, the bodybuilder realised that here, his physique was absolete.

Tuesday, 15 September 2015


How would eating pork lead to peace in the Middle East?

It would allow all factions to find salaam-i.

Monday, 14 September 2015


Which friend of Winnie the Pooh sacrificed his life for his acting career?

Piglet, for the role of Hamlet.

Sunday, 13 September 2015


What do you call it when a lot of people have been slain?

A slew.

Saturday, 12 September 2015

Friday, 11 September 2015


What do you call a plant that reproduces inconsistently?


Thursday, 10 September 2015


Where can couples who can't decide which way to vote meet other indecisive strangers for sex?

A swingers club.


A: Why wasn't there a post yesterday?

B: Yesterday was Wednesday.

A: So?

B: I decided to honour the original meaning of the day.

A: How?

B: Yesterday, all the readers were asking themselves, "When's today's post arriving?" Thus: When's-day.

A: Once again, did you break the blog schedule just to make that -

B: Yes.

Tuesday, 8 September 2015


Otto didn't like being criticised for his habitual tardiness; he preferred to think of it as a latemotif.

Monday, 7 September 2015


Bakers are often sardonic; they're known for their rye sense of humour.

Sunday, 6 September 2015


What do you call it when an anarchist has diarrhoea?


Saturday, 5 September 2015


Clara couldn't resist purchasing socks, but her husband Robert was more of a shoe man.

Friday, 4 September 2015


After the disgraced cyclist developed a large boil, the doctors had to lance Armstrong.

Thursday, 3 September 2015


Why can't anyone remember wearing tight bras?

Because they're repressed mammaries.

Wednesday, 2 September 2015


After deciding to enter publishing as well as fashion, the company was renamed "Abercrombie and Fiction".

Tuesday, 1 September 2015


A: Where did you get the money to pay for a gardener?

B: From my hedge fund.