Friday, 31 August 2012


The floorboards, ceilings, walls, and doors had spent all day preparing themselves to be judged by an independent panel.

Thursday, 30 August 2012


Passionate about her campaign, the painter tried to canvas support. However, after she was framed for a crime, most people brushed her off easelly.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012


Songs about loneliness constitute the genre known as sole music.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012


What did the man say when the bus ran over him?

"I'm crushed."

Monday, 27 August 2012


Silvi couldn't stop watching films starring women with superpowers. She had to face it: she had a heroine addiction.

Sunday, 26 August 2012


For Catherine, arithmetic was dull; there was nothing that could make her feel number.

Saturday, 25 August 2012


Sophie the sock had had enough of enduring the oppression of the washing machine. It was time to break the cycle.

Friday, 24 August 2012


What is the most popular song of empowerment among endangered seals?

Flo Rida feat David Guetta - Club Can't Handle Me

Thursday, 23 August 2012


Allow me to make you an ice cream. After all, I owe you a flavour.

Wednesday, 22 August 2012


Carrie was a great matchmaker. She could always help people to ignite a flame.

Tuesday, 21 August 2012


I have news of a recent advancement in wizarding technology. The latest wands are fitted with a spell checker.

Monday, 20 August 2012

Sunday, 19 August 2012


I would teach you how to shoot without aiming down the sight, but I'm afraid that that would be outside the scope of this course.

Saturday, 18 August 2012


If you hear someone use the description "cheap as chips", it is wise to clarify whether they are referring to potato or silicon.

Friday, 17 August 2012


Many farm animals are devoutly religious. Most of them are Cattle-ics.

Thursday, 16 August 2012


How does a porpoise give its official approval?

With its endorsal fins.

Wednesday, 15 August 2012


Why are porpoises always smiling?

They always have endor-fins.

Tuesday, 14 August 2012


A: My exercise regime has worked well. I'm such a tank!

B: A tank? More like a Panzy.

Monday, 13 August 2012


How does Mario access the Internet?

Using a web Bowser.

Sunday, 12 August 2012


Rodney the ambitious businessman was not satisfied with making a living. He intended to make a killing.

Saturday, 11 August 2012

Friday, 10 August 2012

Thursday, 9 August 2012

Wednesday, 8 August 2012


A: Stop trying to drink away your problems. No alcohol will help you to put that shelf together.

B: What if I have a Screwdriver?

Tuesday, 7 August 2012

Monday, 6 August 2012


Why must the Queen be at every procession? She always has to reign on our parade.

Sunday, 5 August 2012


Teacher: Use the word urinal in a sentence.

Student: If you can't make it to the bathroom in time, ur-in-a-lot of trouble.

Saturday, 4 August 2012


A: Did you notice any Norse gods around here?

B: No, nothing out of the Odinary.

Friday, 3 August 2012


What do you call an unusual imperfection in food?

An om-nom-anomaly.

Thursday, 2 August 2012


A: The amputee told on me? What a goody-one-shoe!

B: Careful, if he hears you, he'll really put his foot down. Not that he can lift it.

Wednesday, 1 August 2012


Abandoned by her former fellow humans as she jerkily staggered along, Lila the zombie felt that she had been left in the lurch.