Friday, 31 October 2014


What did the antivirus software developer say to the malware?

"Norton my watch!"

Thursday, 30 October 2014


Everyone at the theatre company was amped to meet the new sound engineer.

Wednesday, 29 October 2014


The chef was deeply moved by the honour of representing her country, and provided a stirring rendition of the anthem.

Tuesday, 28 October 2014


After losing his tongue, the animator was rendered speechless.

Monday, 27 October 2014


What did the soldier say when accused of having unoriginal shooting methods?

"Mimicry is the highest form of battery."

Sunday, 26 October 2014


The anarchist sous-chef was always trying to stir up trouble.

Saturday, 25 October 2014


A: I can't find any good recipes to use all these eggs and speck.

B: Maybe you should lower your egg-speck-tations.

Friday, 24 October 2014


A: The kangaroo keeps hitting its head on the roof of its new enclosure.

B: Well, that was bound to happen.

Thursday, 23 October 2014


What do junkie pastry chefs do in their spare time?

Get baked.

Wednesday, 22 October 2014


The dog sat patiently under the sweet syrup, hoping that some would eventually treacle down to him.

Tuesday, 21 October 2014


I wanted to make a pun about painting, but I'm afraid that those kinds of jokes don't come easelly to me.

Monday, 20 October 2014

Sunday, 19 October 2014


How did Sebastian the crab get satellite television reception?

He used an Ariel.

Saturday, 18 October 2014


The wafer factory faced its greatest challenge yet; truly, it was crunch time.

Friday, 17 October 2014


When placed under scrutiny, the self-loathing coffee maker couldn't stand his own ground.

Thursday, 16 October 2014


The other fundamental forces found gravity condescending; they didn't appreciate its top-down manner.

Wednesday, 15 October 2014

Tuesday, 14 October 2014


A: Do you think I should get a dual-boot computer?

B: No way! That sounds like utter chaOS.

Monday, 13 October 2014


What happened to the computer programmer who developed a cough?

She became a hacker.

Sunday, 12 October 2014


What do you call the act of killing someone with fermented fruit juice?


Saturday, 11 October 2014


Where do seabirds invest their money?

In an alba-trust fund.

Friday, 10 October 2014


What Chinese-Greek crossover myth tells the story of the most beautiful long-legged bird in the world?

Heron of Troy.

Thursday, 9 October 2014


A: Do you think two people are more likely to date if they take the same classes?

B: Only if they have chemistry together.

Wednesday, 8 October 2014


The unwitting statistician found the average without meaning to do so.

Tuesday, 7 October 2014


On what machine do angry people exercise?

A cross trainer.

Monday, 6 October 2014


The priest had become adept at nearly all aspects of fishing; yet, he still refused to master bait.

Sunday, 5 October 2014


What do advertisers and electricians have in common?

They're both good at plugging things.

Saturday, 4 October 2014


The comedian always kept her appointments; she would never stand up a date.

Friday, 3 October 2014


The incompetent fisherman was even worse in finance - he struggled to keep a float.

Thursday, 2 October 2014


What is the favourite mathematical concept of dressmakers?

Tailor polynomials.

Wednesday, 1 October 2014


What do you call it when rappers murder their close friends?