Sunday, 31 January 2016


Where do pilots meet airport ground staff?

On the landing.

Saturday, 30 January 2016

Friday, 29 January 2016


After debating whether to steal from the sink, the thief eventually decided to take the plunger.

Thursday, 28 January 2016


Why did the crow put in extra effort at work?

it wanted a caw-porate position.

Wednesday, 27 January 2016


The Solar System can look beautiful from afar, although among many viewers, a lack of appreciation for the fourth planet from the sun mars their experience.

Tuesday, 26 January 2016


What do you a vehicle repair shop run by a mechanic with split-personality disorder?

Jekyll and hydraulics.

Monday, 25 January 2016


What do you call chairs covered with animal pelts?


Sunday, 24 January 2016


What happens to a pen if you touch its nib?

It becomes a felt tip pen.

Saturday, 23 January 2016


A: Are you glad that your appointment's been moved earlier?

B: Yes! I feel like a wait has been lifted.

Friday, 22 January 2016


What did the hermit do at the bank before leaving society forever?


Thursday, 21 January 2016


What do you call the sound made by a group of people with emphysema?

A cacoughophony.

Wednesday, 20 January 2016


What do you call the act of stealing medication?


Tuesday, 19 January 2016


What do you call someone who can be representative of all those with the flu?


Monday, 18 January 2016


A: Do you think think the man over there with a bowl full of party beverage in his bag would be effective in a fight?

B: Well, he certainly packs a punch.

Sunday, 17 January 2016


What do you call a mobile brothel from the Middle Ages?

A whores and cart.

Saturday, 16 January 2016


What do you call the act of dropping sparkles in the street?


Friday, 15 January 2016


Which flower is the best romantic present for someone you want to kiss?

A two-lip.

Thursday, 14 January 2016

Wednesday, 13 January 2016


"Watch out for him. He's always wheelin' and dealin'."

The locals were wary of the owner of the camembert-themed poker club.

Tuesday, 12 January 2016


Why did the clumsy fisherman become a dubstep producer?

He realised that he was really good at dropping the bass.

Monday, 11 January 2016


After being banned from making balloon animals, the children's party entertainer felt quite deflated.

Sunday, 10 January 2016


What do bicycle vendors do at a market?

Pedal their wares.

Saturday, 9 January 2016


Did you hear about the broken people who fell in love?

They were frag-meant to be.

Friday, 8 January 2016

Thursday, 7 January 2016


The tiger gazed at the herd of zebras - they were stripe for the picking.

Wednesday, 6 January 2016


Why can't rappers work at water companies?

Their flow makes everyone sick.

Tuesday, 5 January 2016


As the owner of a successful lemonade franchise, Charlotte was known for her zest for life.

Monday, 4 January 2016


What song did Crowded House write about their repeated visits to the spice shop?

Four Seasonings In One Day

Sunday, 3 January 2016


How did the two animals who missed Noah's Ark survive the flood?

On their gi-raft.

Saturday, 2 January 2016


What do you call a wizard who can create fog out of elemental materials?

An alche-mist.

Friday, 1 January 2016


What is needed to encourage builders to construct a defensive body of water around a castle?