Friday, 30 November 2012


"Hey there, handsome. Looking for a good thyme?"

Shane knew that he shouldn't have visited the red-light herb district.

Thursday, 29 November 2012


He proposed to her using balloons? What a beautiful way to pop the question.

Wednesday, 28 November 2012


Several stimulant drugs give their users a feeling of invincibility. If you see a gingerbread man claiming that nobody can catch him, he's probably baked.

Tuesday, 27 November 2012


Giles wanted a full time job at the nut factory, but all that they could offer him was a cashew-al position.

Monday, 26 November 2012


Goblins are not known for their soap operas - or anything to do with soap.

Sunday, 25 November 2012


Kyle had dozed off while making soup; now, as the pot bubbled, he stirred in his sleep.

Saturday, 24 November 2012


Some people said that Christian was the complete package; others called him an absolute tool.

Friday, 23 November 2012


What do prisoners use to make calls from jail?

Cell phones.

Thursday, 22 November 2012

Wednesday, 21 November 2012


A: Which way do I wear it?

B: I don't know. Is there a label?

A: It says that this end is the front.

B: Ah, but that might just be a front.

Tuesday, 20 November 2012


"It has come to our attention, 007, that you have fathered a good many children over the course of your various liaisons. So, MI6 has decided to give you some time off to get to know them. It should be a good ... Bonding experience."

Monday, 19 November 2012


A: I think my Russian friend is gay, but in denial.

B: I see we have a Communist in the closet.

Sunday, 18 November 2012


"I've wagered ten quid on Tony trimming the shrubbery, and ten quid on him not doing it. I'm hedging my bets."

Saturday, 17 November 2012


A: How long will it take you to make an animated image?

B: I can have it done in a giffy.

Friday, 16 November 2012


The plutocracy of monkeys had turned the zoo into a banana republic.

Thursday, 15 November 2012


Sarah the horse had had enough of moving from one rented property to another; now she wanted a stable residence.

Wednesday, 14 November 2012


I know what metal is used to make computer chips, so any attempt to trick me into believing otherwise is a silly con.

Tuesday, 13 November 2012


Talking about computer components makes my mother bored.

Monday, 12 November 2012


The unprepared cheerleaders were never going to win the contest - they had no chants.

Sunday, 11 November 2012


A study has shown that petting baby ducks is the most effective treatment for depression. So, if you're feeling down, you should try feeling down.

Saturday, 10 November 2012


A: You're drinking an entire bottle of vodka?

B: Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Friday, 9 November 2012


Today, pikelets are a breakfast food. However, in the Middle Ages, they were used to skewer barbarianlets.

Thursday, 8 November 2012


Why is playing Quidditch like arresting an clandestine informant?

The game ends when you catch the snitch.

Wednesday, 7 November 2012


Politicians must pay particular attention to firefighters and strippers, as their dealings with these groups have a huge impact on the poles.

Tuesday, 6 November 2012


The Sound of Music exposes many real problems with the society of its time; most poignantly, the lack of social clubs for goatherds.

Monday, 5 November 2012


Updating the scoreboard at rugby matches was a frustrating task for Jimmy; he found it very trying.

Sunday, 4 November 2012


Which chemical element represents fraternal camaraderie?


Saturday, 3 November 2012


What did the priest say when he saw the incense?

"Holy smokes!"

Friday, 2 November 2012


You seriously want a urine sample? All along I thought you were just taking the piss.

Thursday, 1 November 2012


A: Oh no. Oh no, B! I think the cannibals are going to preserve us in vinegar!

B: Well, it seems like we're in a bit of a pickle.