Sunday, 30 June 2013


For many years, the British pronunciation of the term for a personal attendant was considered to be in-valet by the French.

Saturday, 29 June 2013


Throughout Asia, people often get confused between gruff local fishermen and their catch. It is notoriously difficult to distinguish between crusty Asians and their crustaceans.

Friday, 28 June 2013


What device do the police use to detect child molesters?

A pedometer.

Thursday, 27 June 2013


Why couldn't the Chinese fruit grower communicate with the Chinese chorister?

One of them spoke Mandarin while the other spoke Cantor-nese.

Wednesday, 26 June 2013


In an attempt to be more sensitive towards survivors of gunshot wounds, the police were trained to announce a trigger warning before firing.

Tuesday, 25 June 2013

Monday, 24 June 2013


Which surgical instrument is used to cut open the flesh that covers the skull?

A scalp-el.

Sunday, 23 June 2013


Robert's attempt to assist the group of musicians was dismissed as a band-aid solution.

Saturday, 22 June 2013


The dyslexic historian thought that Russia had once been ruled by linen.

Friday, 21 June 2013


Elspeth tried to find the missing bandage, but eventually she decided that it was a lost gauze.

Thursday, 20 June 2013


The experience of living under an leaky roof taught the children about the importance of a good sealing.

Wednesday, 19 June 2013

Tuesday, 18 June 2013


On what material does one write at the beach?


Monday, 17 June 2013


A: Should I be worried about not having a jumper?

B: Nah, don't sweater it.

Sunday, 16 June 2013


A: Did you ask her if she had put a tap into the wine barrel?

B: I didn't know how to broach the topic.

Saturday, 15 June 2013


Whenever she overheard someone else's conversation, Eve lost all bowel control. Her habit of listening in became known as Eve's droppings.

Friday, 14 June 2013


Musical chairs in Buckingham Palace: the original Game of Thrones.

Thursday, 13 June 2013


A: Why do you have a ramp instead of stairs?

B: Because that's how I roll.

Wednesday, 12 June 2013


Years of experience working on the streets had made Michelle very prost-astute.

Tuesday, 11 June 2013


The biggest ram in the flock fixed the farmer with a steely gaze.

"We herd you the first time."

Monday, 10 June 2013


She claimed that she wasn't interested in One Direction, but it was obvious that she was in de-Niall.

Sunday, 9 June 2013


How do New Zealand beer makers greet each other?

"Hey, brew!"

Saturday, 8 June 2013


The gossip columnist thought that Brad and Angelina's family was the pits.

Friday, 7 June 2013


What do you call it when a gun dealer browses through a sodium collection?

A salt rifle.

Thursday, 6 June 2013


"In this classroom, we use metric units. I will make you forget the imperial system, even if I have to pound it out of you!"

Wednesday, 5 June 2013


What device only plays records with syntactically correct lyrics?

A grammar-phone.

Tuesday, 4 June 2013


"We're worried about our daughter," explained the cannibal. "She's been off her face for a week - and face is her favourite!"

Monday, 3 June 2013


To inexperienced farmers, ploughing can be a harrowing experience.

Sunday, 2 June 2013


Where do choristers store their wine?

In a de-cantor.


A: Why wasn't there a post yesterday?

B: The mailmen were on strike.

A: Did you actually break the blog schedule just to make that pun?

B: Nothing is sacred.