Tuesday, 31 March 2015


After rumours of a rebellion reached the capital, the dictator's council advised him to reign in his tyranny.

Monday, 30 March 2015


From what book do cowboys take religious instruction?

Giddy-on's Bible.

Sunday, 29 March 2015


What did the hairdresser say to the chicken vendor?

"It's not about the nugget, it's about the lice."

Saturday, 28 March 2015


Awareness of the irony of the situation prevented the torture exhibition's staff from stopping ticket scalpers.

Friday, 27 March 2015


After compiling a montage of her different roles, Tereza began to reel in film roles.

Thursday, 26 March 2015


"After all, your Honour, it's called the e-con-omy. I rest my case."

Eros's career as a defense attorney for fraudsters was short-lived.

Wednesday, 25 March 2015


Amid their attempts to reduce the length of the soccer's official rule book, FIFA officials have been accused of attempting to cut corners.

Tuesday, 24 March 2015


British locals have been increasingly having children with African immigrants. Not since before the industrial revolution has the United Kingdom seen such a high number of black Smiths.

Monday, 23 March 2015


The police sergeant gazed glumly at the wall, which bore a lush covering of soapy bubbles, and sighed.

"I said I wanted you to think about a deterrent for graffiti, Gravener. Not detergent. Deterrent."

Sunday, 22 March 2015


What do you call the assessor of a shooting exam?

A marksman.

Saturday, 21 March 2015


It is conventional for a furry porn actor to have a skunk double.

Friday, 20 March 2015


A: I can't believe you cut off my water supply! This isn't funny, B.

B: I think you need to make more of an effort to understand my dry sense of humour.

Thursday, 19 March 2015


A: What do you say when you want him to write?

B: Inscribe!

A: And when you want to dismiss him?

B: Out, scribe!

Wednesday, 18 March 2015


What kind of guard stands in the middle of a camp?

A centry.

Tuesday, 17 March 2015


What kind of drink is designed to help reptiles?


Monday, 16 March 2015


What do you call a work of theatre sent in the mail?

A post script.

Sunday, 15 March 2015


Where does the Vatican keep records of its cancelled marriages?

In its Annuls.

Saturday, 14 March 2015


"Your diction is excellent, but you are very poor at dividing food appropriately among your guests. You will have to take allocation lessons."

Friday, 13 March 2015


Boris Nemtsov, an outspoken critic of the Russian government, was killed after disPutin its practices.

Thursday, 12 March 2015


Why did the cat shed in the garden?

To furtilise the plants.

Wednesday, 11 March 2015


Too weak to be a piano mover, Alan decided to transport triangles - however, there wasn't much work, even after he advertised himself as the first real shapeshifter.

Tuesday, 10 March 2015


What did Odysseus's Chinese crew member say about the seductresses of the sea?

"The Sirens was deafening."

Monday, 9 March 2015

Sunday, 8 March 2015


The hardest part of being a sniper is maintaining focus.

Saturday, 7 March 2015


Which dance is traditionally performed against the barriers between rooms?

The walltz.

Friday, 6 March 2015


In the scarecrow's opinion, the adjacent rosebush was just a thorn in his side.

Thursday, 5 March 2015


The taxi driver was disqualified from the race for starting early; he was now the first cab off the ranks.

Wednesday, 4 March 2015


What is the sauciest seafood dish?

Anything with periwinkles.

Tuesday, 3 March 2015


The female greenhouse curator was fired after numerous attempts at smashing the glass ceiling.

Monday, 2 March 2015

Sunday, 1 March 2015


What do you call a relative sleeping on a serviette?