Saturday, 30 June 2012


Why do Peking ducks have long necks?

So that they can peek.

Friday, 29 June 2012


Sherlock Holmes surveyed the bed.

"There are no blankets," he observed. "This bed is quite bare."

"No sheet, Sherlock," agreed Doctor Watson.

Thursday, 28 June 2012


In a monarchy, reasonable people by themselves pose no threat, and tea is harmless, of course. However, when tea and reason are combined, they can result in treason.

Wednesday, 27 June 2012


In the Middle Ages, landowners who tried to leave their property to their daughters were often executed for the crime of heiressy.

Tuesday, 26 June 2012


The warrior princess was perturbed by a strong sense of déjà vu, as if she had Xen-at all before.

Monday, 25 June 2012


The Angel of Death flew through the land, striking dead the first-born son of every Egyptian family, in the world's first heir-raid.

Sunday, 24 June 2012


Alone once more with his computers, consoles, and other gadgets, Martin took a moment to relish the feeling. He loved being left to his own devices.

Saturday, 23 June 2012


A: Don't worry, my friend. I've got your back.

B: Aah! How will I stand? Give it back! Give it back!

Friday, 22 June 2012


What do you call a bone movement specialist from Egypt?

A Cairopractor.

Thursday, 21 June 2012


The courageous invertebrate wanted to prove once and for all that he was not, as his critics often claimed, spineless.

Wednesday, 20 June 2012


Jack's demonstration of the correct and healthy way to sit was met with some suspicion. Many among his audience felt that he was just posturing.

Tuesday, 19 June 2012


A: What does 'unisex' mean?

B: I think it's what engineering students do.

Monday, 18 June 2012

Sunday, 17 June 2012


The greatest fear of a librarian is passing the point of no return.

Saturday, 16 June 2012


The favourite video game of herbologists is the classical Fennel Fantasy series.

Friday, 15 June 2012


As he sat down beside his his favourite cow, the farmer realised that he had an audience. Reaching for the udder, he knew that he was going to milk this for all it was worth.

Thursday, 14 June 2012


Tired of suffering under the farmer's tyrannical rule, the chickens rose up in a coop d'état.

Wednesday, 13 June 2012


The notes and coins repeatedly tried to unite, but, time and again, they were thwarted by denominational differences.

Tuesday, 12 June 2012


I propose an award to acknowledge the person who most successfully managed to fake something at some point in the process of staging a musical. It would be called the Fast Tony.

Monday, 11 June 2012


Samson's show was a huge success. He always brought the house down.

Sunday, 10 June 2012


A: I can see people wandering aimlessly around the building where grain is ground to make flour. What are they doing?

B: I expect they're milling.

Saturday, 9 June 2012


Why did has he joined a group of desert-dwelling nomads? There are so many other things that he could Bedouin.

Friday, 8 June 2012


For centuries, many theologians have believed that gays are destined for hell. Here lies the origin of the term "flaming homosexuals".

Thursday, 7 June 2012


A: How's your holiday in Cuba going?

B: I'm Havana great time.

Wednesday, 6 June 2012


As the opera singers' muscles were hyperextended in the torture racks, Gaspar leant back and enjoyed the melodious strains.

Tuesday, 5 June 2012


Many people feel that decisions made by their national reserve bank are interesting but overrated.

Monday, 4 June 2012


Mike called his gun Vodka, because he used it to do shots.

Sunday, 3 June 2012


I don't want my tomb to be particularly fancy. I'll be happy with something nondes-crypt.

Saturday, 2 June 2012


Pierre felt that his critics' claims about his cosmetics were without foundation.

Friday, 1 June 2012


Cow A: I think the farmer's coming to choose one of us for leather!

Cow B: Quick, hide!