Why is it fun to go adventures with kitchen burglars?
You know that they're whisk takers.
Wednesday 31 December 2014
Tuesday 30 December 2014
#1295
Glenys's "original" cake recipes were in fact stolen; she was secretly sponging off the work of others.
Monday 29 December 2014
#1294
Normally, Declan wouldn't have complained about the head of a school, but this time he felt that it was a matter of principal.
Sunday 28 December 2014
Saturday 27 December 2014
#1292
What do you call the list of items on the syllabus of an Indian cookery school?
The curry-culum.
The curry-culum.
Friday 26 December 2014
Thursday 25 December 2014
#1290
A: Whenever I see a Nativity scene, I can't help but wonder what the angels are doing.
B: Just chilling in the crib, I suppose.
B: Just chilling in the crib, I suppose.
Wednesday 24 December 2014
Tuesday 23 December 2014
Monday 22 December 2014
#1287
Working as an assistant to the clumsy milliner, Tess had to be ready to tidy up at the drop of a hat.
Sunday 21 December 2014
Saturday 20 December 2014
#1285
The warden didn't appreciate the prisoners complaining about their food at his annual review; it would only add gruel to the fire.
Friday 19 December 2014
#1284
Why did the wildcat have to continue with basketball even though he wanted to play tennis?
Because a leopard can't change his sports.
Because a leopard can't change his sports.
Thursday 18 December 2014
#1283
What do you call the period of heavy traffic that occurs when a large number of clients need to visit their gynaecologists?
Thrush hour.
Thrush hour.
Wednesday 17 December 2014
Tuesday 16 December 2014
#1281
Why did the parish hire a forger in response to the rival church's festival?
To produce a counterfête.
To produce a counterfête.
Monday 15 December 2014
Sunday 14 December 2014
#1279
A: Do you think we'll be late?
B: Not on my watch!
[A moment of silence.]
B: Because we'll check the time. On my wa-
A: I WILL BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH A CLOCK.
B: Not on my watch!
[A moment of silence.]
B: Because we'll check the time. On my wa-
A: I WILL BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH A CLOCK.
Saturday 13 December 2014
Friday 12 December 2014
#1277
What do you call a story about guns composed of letters exchanged between the characters?
A pistolary novel.
A pistolary novel.
Thursday 11 December 2014
#1276
"My dear Archimedes, you must stop running naked through the streets. Every time you discover something, Eureka lot of mayhem."
Wednesday 10 December 2014
Tuesday 9 December 2014
Monday 8 December 2014
#1273
What did the religious cheesemaker say when things got out of control?
"Jesus, take the wheel."
"Jesus, take the wheel."
Sunday 7 December 2014
Saturday 6 December 2014
Friday 5 December 2014
#1270
The police sergeant gazed glumly at the illegal substances before him, then at his youngest charge, who was standing to attention next to the piles of leaves and beaming proudly. The sergeant sighed.
"I said I wanted potted plants for my office, Jackson. Not pot plants. Potted plants."
"I said I wanted potted plants for my office, Jackson. Not pot plants. Potted plants."
Thursday 4 December 2014
Wednesday 3 December 2014
#1268
Teacher: Use the word detention in a sentence.
Student: When I feel stressed about the possibility that you might give me a bad grade, that's D-tension.
Student: When I feel stressed about the possibility that you might give me a bad grade, that's D-tension.
Tuesday 2 December 2014
Monday 1 December 2014
Sunday 30 November 2014
Saturday 29 November 2014
#1264
Fergus tried to think of a gentle way to tell his girlfriend that her oral sex was too rough, but could find no way to soften the blow.
Friday 28 November 2014
Thursday 27 November 2014
Wednesday 26 November 2014
Tuesday 25 November 2014
Monday 24 November 2014
Sunday 23 November 2014
Saturday 22 November 2014
#1257
A: I've become an expert on Asian politics. Ask me anything.
B: Do you know who was the President of Indonesia from 2004 to 2014?
A: Yudhoyono.
B: No, I do know, I'm asking whether you do.
B: Do you know who was the President of Indonesia from 2004 to 2014?
A: Yudhoyono.
B: No, I do know, I'm asking whether you do.
Friday 21 November 2014
Thursday 20 November 2014
Wednesday 19 November 2014
#1254
"Back off or I'll knock your block off!"
The mobster's babysitter smiled wearily.
"That's not how we share our Lego, is it, Danny?"
The mobster's babysitter smiled wearily.
"That's not how we share our Lego, is it, Danny?"
Tuesday 18 November 2014
Monday 17 November 2014
#1252
The two metalworkers, denied permission to marry from their families, had decided to steel away into the night.
Sunday 16 November 2014
#1251
Verity wondered whether she had become more distant from her family after switching to bath sponges; perhaps returning to natural exfoliation would make her less aloofah.
Saturday 15 November 2014
Friday 14 November 2014
Thursday 13 November 2014
Wednesday 12 November 2014
Tuesday 11 November 2014
#1246
The cobblers had worked together in the same shop for years - they saw each other as sole mates.
Monday 10 November 2014
Sunday 9 November 2014
#1244
The general looked at the diagram of the territory, filled with every kind of wagon, and sighed. Clearly, her staff had not understood the meaning of cartographer.
Saturday 8 November 2014
Friday 7 November 2014
#1242
"All who wish to follow me must abandon their hives of honey! Such is the sacrifice required to become a bee-leaver."
Thursday 6 November 2014
#1241
What do you call the followers of a spiritual leader who are responsible for insulting other religions?
Diss-iples.
Diss-iples.
Wednesday 5 November 2014
Tuesday 4 November 2014
Monday 3 November 2014
Sunday 2 November 2014
Saturday 1 November 2014
Friday 31 October 2014
Thursday 30 October 2014
Wednesday 29 October 2014
#1233
The chef was deeply moved by the honour of representing her country, and provided a stirring rendition of the anthem.
Tuesday 28 October 2014
Monday 27 October 2014
#1231
What did the soldier say when accused of having unoriginal shooting methods?
"Mimicry is the highest form of battery."
"Mimicry is the highest form of battery."
Sunday 26 October 2014
Saturday 25 October 2014
#1229
A: I can't find any good recipes to use all these eggs and speck.
B: Maybe you should lower your egg-speck-tations.
B: Maybe you should lower your egg-speck-tations.
Friday 24 October 2014
#1228
A: The kangaroo keeps hitting its head on the roof of its new enclosure.
B: Well, that was bound to happen.
B: Well, that was bound to happen.
Thursday 23 October 2014
Wednesday 22 October 2014
#1226
The dog sat patiently under the sweet syrup, hoping that some would eventually treacle down to him.
Tuesday 21 October 2014
#1225
I wanted to make a pun about painting, but I'm afraid that those kinds of jokes don't come easelly to me.
Monday 20 October 2014
Sunday 19 October 2014
Saturday 18 October 2014
Friday 17 October 2014
Thursday 16 October 2014
#1220
The other fundamental forces found gravity condescending; they didn't appreciate its top-down manner.
Wednesday 15 October 2014
Tuesday 14 October 2014
Monday 13 October 2014
Sunday 12 October 2014
Saturday 11 October 2014
Friday 10 October 2014
#1214
What Chinese-Greek crossover myth tells the story of the most beautiful long-legged bird in the world?
Heron of Troy.
Heron of Troy.
Thursday 9 October 2014
#1213
A: Do you think two people are more likely to date if they take the same classes?
B: Only if they have chemistry together.
B: Only if they have chemistry together.
Wednesday 8 October 2014
Tuesday 7 October 2014
Monday 6 October 2014
#1210
The priest had become adept at nearly all aspects of fishing; yet, he still refused to master bait.
Sunday 5 October 2014
Saturday 4 October 2014
Friday 3 October 2014
Thursday 2 October 2014
Wednesday 1 October 2014
Tuesday 30 September 2014
Monday 29 September 2014
Sunday 28 September 2014
#1202
A: I need you to find the screwdriver.
B: Is this it?
A: That's the ticket.
B: Oh. I thought it was a screwdriver. I'll keep looking.
B: Is this it?
A: That's the ticket.
B: Oh. I thought it was a screwdriver. I'll keep looking.
Saturday 27 September 2014
Friday 26 September 2014
Thursday 25 September 2014
Wednesday 24 September 2014
Tuesday 23 September 2014
Monday 22 September 2014
Sunday 21 September 2014
Saturday 20 September 2014
#1194
After being bribed by dessert manufacturers, the nutritional values authority had a tendency to fudge their results.
Friday 19 September 2014
#1193
After an argument, many couples like to reconcile by imagining minor religious denominations together. Some claim that fighting is worth it for the make-up-sects.
Thursday 18 September 2014
Wednesday 17 September 2014
#1191
The toymaker considered building some plush toys, but eventually decided that he couldn't be stuffed.
Tuesday 16 September 2014
Monday 15 September 2014
Sunday 14 September 2014
#1188
What did the snake charmer say in Nicki Minaj's bakery?
"My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns."
"My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns."
Saturday 13 September 2014
Friday 12 September 2014
Thursday 11 September 2014
Wednesday 10 September 2014
#1184
Katia had never intended to be a secret agent; her curious nature had simply spy-ralled out of control.
Tuesday 9 September 2014
#1183
"Do you think the blind guy was the murderer? I'm not certain of it, it's just a stab in the dark."
Monday 8 September 2014
Sunday 7 September 2014
Saturday 6 September 2014
#1180
"Aha! We shall never need chickens again!"
Hillary had not quite grasped the concept of eggplants.
Hillary had not quite grasped the concept of eggplants.
Friday 5 September 2014
#1179
The necrophiliac was happy to eat the overcooked rejects from the pie shop; after all, she was used to having crusty things in her mouth.
Thursday 4 September 2014
Wednesday 3 September 2014
Tuesday 2 September 2014
Monday 1 September 2014
Sunday 31 August 2014
#1174
Teacher: Use the word profile in a sentence.
Student: Someone who is in favour of organising paperwork can be described as profile.
Student: Someone who is in favour of organising paperwork can be described as profile.
Saturday 30 August 2014
Friday 29 August 2014
Thursday 28 August 2014
#1171
Ironically, the rotational therapist was unable to convince the public of his merit without the help of a spin doctor.
Wednesday 27 August 2014
Tuesday 26 August 2014
Monday 25 August 2014
#1168
The butcher was proud of his produce, and always packaged it in elegant wooden boxes; some were suspicious when they saw him casing a joint.
Sunday 24 August 2014
#1167
What do you call the process of filling an area with distinguished gentlemen?
Gent-rification.
Gent-rification.
Saturday 23 August 2014
Friday 22 August 2014
Thursday 21 August 2014
#1164
After calls to make the building accessible to wheelchairs fell on deaf ears, advocates ramped up their efforts.
Wednesday 20 August 2014
Tuesday 19 August 2014
Monday 18 August 2014
Sunday 17 August 2014
Saturday 16 August 2014
Friday 15 August 2014
Thursday 14 August 2014
Wednesday 13 August 2014
#1156
I hate flashers. They think that they have the right to go around exposing themselves willy-nilly.
Tuesday 12 August 2014
Monday 11 August 2014
#1154
What's the difference between a pilot and a geometer?
A pilot flies planes; a geometer thinks planes are fly.
A pilot flies planes; a geometer thinks planes are fly.
Sunday 10 August 2014
Saturday 9 August 2014
Friday 8 August 2014
Thursday 7 August 2014
Wednesday 6 August 2014
#1149
He had led an easy life in the flatlands, and had grown accustomed to expecting everything handed to him on a plateau.
Tuesday 5 August 2014
Monday 4 August 2014
Sunday 3 August 2014
#1146
What do you call an equine vet who manipulates the skeleton and muscles of their patients?
A horse-teopath.
A horse-teopath.
Saturday 2 August 2014
Friday 1 August 2014
#1144
The young sheep was a skillful chess player; at three months, it had already developed several opening lambits.
Thursday 31 July 2014
Wednesday 30 July 2014
Tuesday 29 July 2014
Monday 28 July 2014
Sunday 27 July 2014
Saturday 26 July 2014
Friday 25 July 2014
#1137
A: Have you seen the news? A hundred people have been shipwrecked off the west coast of Africa!
B: Oh no! You mean they were Ca-marooned?
B: Oh no! You mean they were Ca-marooned?
Thursday 24 July 2014
Wednesday 23 July 2014
Tuesday 22 July 2014
Monday 21 July 2014
#1133
As the approaching crowd roughly gathered itself to a standstill, she became aware of hundreds of pairs of eyes sweeping over the whole scene, pausing in realisation, moving their focus to her, and boring in like the drills that had started this whole mess. She stepped backwards and her foot hit a pebble. As she clearly heard the tiny stone shifting less than an inch against the sand, she became aware of the silence, suddenly and frighteningly. She slowly turned her head and glanced behind her to see the clothes rack balanced on the edge of the precipice.
The author enjoyed concluding chapters with cliffhangers.
The author enjoyed concluding chapters with cliffhangers.
Sunday 20 July 2014
Saturday 19 July 2014
Friday 18 July 2014
Thursday 17 July 2014
Wednesday 16 July 2014
#1128
Installing the prank staircase made Elsha buoyantly merry; for the rest of the day, there was a spring in her step.
Tuesday 15 July 2014
#1127
A: Do you think the titanium will stay in place?
B: Of course. Otherwise it would be called loose-anium.
B: Of course. Otherwise it would be called loose-anium.
Monday 14 July 2014
Sunday 13 July 2014
Saturday 12 July 2014
Friday 11 July 2014
#1123
A: She's remarkably insightful.
B: Of course she is! She's pregnant.
A: What do you mean?
B: Many a truth spoken in gestation.
B: Of course she is! She's pregnant.
A: What do you mean?
B: Many a truth spoken in gestation.
Thursday 10 July 2014
Wednesday 9 July 2014
#1121
What did the gangster rapper say when his rented copy of The Raven was due to be returned?
"Fuck the Poe-lease!"
"Fuck the Poe-lease!"
Tuesday 8 July 2014
Monday 7 July 2014
Sunday 6 July 2014
#1118
The page three editor stared at the image of the model in her grandfather clock patterned bra.
"I said pendulous breasts! Not pendulums! Pendulous!"
"I said pendulous breasts! Not pendulums! Pendulous!"
Saturday 5 July 2014
#1117
As the hearing impaired conference gathered, the US Armed Forces were on their highest alert ever. This was Deaf-Con 1.
Friday 4 July 2014
Thursday 3 July 2014
#1115
The radical feminists' meetings were largely disorganised, demonstrating the difficulties of an agendaless society.
Wednesday 2 July 2014
Tuesday 1 July 2014
#1113
The castle architect disagreed with the proposed trench of water surrounding her design, and dismissed it as a moat point.
Monday 30 June 2014
Sunday 29 June 2014
Saturday 28 June 2014
#1110
As the extraterrestrials floated away in their now tattered and heavily shelled pod, a voice could be heard:
"We come in peace, Zorblav! Not like peas! In peace!"
"We come in peace, Zorblav! Not like peas! In peace!"
Friday 27 June 2014
Thursday 26 June 2014
Wednesday 25 June 2014
#1107
A: Looking at his diary, police found that he had been thinking about setting himself on fire for months.
B: Well, better self-immolate than never.
B: Well, better self-immolate than never.
Tuesday 24 June 2014
#1106
He was ultimately rejected due to his incapacity to dress formally; in summary, the company thought him unsuitable.
Monday 23 June 2014
#1105
The amateur filmmaker was kicked out of the bungee jumping club after one too many fatal jump cuts.
Sunday 22 June 2014
Saturday 21 June 2014
#1103
Sergeant Chisholm surveyed the carnage on the street. Clearly, the offender had misunderstood the meaning of "blood drive".
Friday 20 June 2014
Thursday 19 June 2014
Wednesday 18 June 2014
#1100
Once the animated gray tabby cat ventured into political subject matter, it became known for Pusheen the boundaries.
Tuesday 17 June 2014
Monday 16 June 2014
Sunday 15 June 2014
Saturday 14 June 2014
#1096
Guy squinted out at the paddock and frowned. The livestock thieves were really beginning to get his goat.
Friday 13 June 2014
#1095
Although they constitute modern repertoire, Phillip's works typically require Glassical training.
Thursday 12 June 2014
Wednesday 11 June 2014
Tuesday 10 June 2014
#1092
A: Have you ever thought about being a parent?
B: Yes, I want to have a daughter.
A: That's specific.
B: And call her Hope.
A: That's beautiful!
B: And make her immortal.
A: What?
B: And get her a pogo stick.
A: No no no no don't say-
B: Hope springs eternal!
B: Yes, I want to have a daughter.
A: That's specific.
B: And call her Hope.
A: That's beautiful!
B: And make her immortal.
A: What?
B: And get her a pogo stick.
A: No no no no don't say-
B: Hope springs eternal!
Monday 9 June 2014
Sunday 8 June 2014
Saturday 7 June 2014
#1089
Once the first batch of towers to support electric cables fit easily onto the ship, the captain decided to pylon more.
Friday 6 June 2014
Thursday 5 June 2014
#1087
"Are you sure you can sing today, Elsa? You sound really congested."
"I'll be fine. Having a cold never bothered me anyway."
"I'll be fine. Having a cold never bothered me anyway."
Wednesday 4 June 2014
#1086
Liam originally didn't want to be photographed nude, but he soon figured that he could use the exposure.
Tuesday 3 June 2014
Monday 2 June 2014
#1084
Even when crowds turned against him, Tiger Woods always knew that his mistresses were rooting for him.
Sunday 1 June 2014
Saturday 31 May 2014
Friday 30 May 2014
Thursday 29 May 2014
Wednesday 28 May 2014
Tuesday 27 May 2014
Monday 26 May 2014
Sunday 25 May 2014
Saturday 24 May 2014
#1075
Given that he was working in the mail room, it was hardly surprising that Brian had become the company's poster boy.
Friday 23 May 2014
Thursday 22 May 2014
Wednesday 21 May 2014
#1072
Jamie tried to design a better bucket than his rival's creation, but all his efforts pailed in comparison.
Tuesday 20 May 2014
Monday 19 May 2014
Sunday 18 May 2014
#1069
Tristan's party trick depended on the presence of fizz in the soda - now that it had sat out for so long, all his attempts fell flat.
Saturday 17 May 2014
Friday 16 May 2014
#1067
What did Darth Vader say to the victims of his newest weapon?
"I find your lack of face disturbing."
"I find your lack of face disturbing."
Thursday 15 May 2014
Wednesday 14 May 2014
#1065
Sinead's endurance training didn't help her in the sprints, but she knew that it would be worth it in the long run.
Tuesday 13 May 2014
Monday 12 May 2014
#1063
Unable to fill the enclosure with their individual supplies of water, the friends decided to pool their resources.
Sunday 11 May 2014
Saturday 10 May 2014
Friday 9 May 2014
Thursday 8 May 2014
Wednesday 7 May 2014
Tuesday 6 May 2014
Monday 5 May 2014
#1056
Pascal was overjoyed to be promoted to Corporal; he was no longer at risk of Legionnaire's disease.
Sunday 4 May 2014
Saturday 3 May 2014
#1054
What do you call a courageous parrot that is capable of bonding with many others?
Polly-valiant.
Polly-valiant.
Friday 2 May 2014
Thursday 1 May 2014
Wednesday 30 April 2014
Tuesday 29 April 2014
#1050
Why is juvenile diabetes the easiest medical specialisation?
It's like taking candy from a baby.
It's like taking candy from a baby.
Monday 28 April 2014
Sunday 27 April 2014
Saturday 26 April 2014
Friday 25 April 2014
Thursday 24 April 2014
#1045
In hindsight, everyone agreed that it had been an unwise decision to end the International Epileptics Conference with a fireworks display.
Wednesday 23 April 2014
#1044
After delving into the bucket of worms, finding them unsatisfactory, and leaping out again, the fisherman's cat watched proceedings with baited breath.
Tuesday 22 April 2014
#1043
As the laundry attendant and the pastry chef were dealt their cards, the crowd watched with bated breath, eager to see who would fold first.
Monday 21 April 2014
Sunday 20 April 2014
Saturday 19 April 2014
#1040
Hyman the butcher had never heard of the expression, but nonetheless he couldn't comprehend why everyone seemed so unenthusiastic about tonight's "sausage party".
Friday 18 April 2014
#1039
A: Do you always want a quilt at night during winter?
B: I'm afraid I can't answer that. I try to avoid blanket statements.
B: I'm afraid I can't answer that. I try to avoid blanket statements.
Thursday 17 April 2014
Wednesday 16 April 2014
Tuesday 15 April 2014
Monday 14 April 2014
Sunday 13 April 2014
Saturday 12 April 2014
#1033
A: I hate the way that magazines solve all beauty problems with "starve yourself".
B: Well, if you don't like the colour of your hair, it would probably help to diet.
B: Well, if you don't like the colour of your hair, it would probably help to diet.
Friday 11 April 2014
Thursday 10 April 2014
Wednesday 9 April 2014
Tuesday 8 April 2014
#1029
The swipe card system functioned well at some times but failed at others; overall, it was touch and go.
Monday 7 April 2014
#1028
Teacher: Use the word disable in a sentence.
Student: The slaves thought, dis-Abe'll set us free.
Student: The slaves thought, dis-Abe'll set us free.
Sunday 6 April 2014
Saturday 5 April 2014
Friday 4 April 2014
Thursday 3 April 2014
Wednesday 2 April 2014
Tuesday 1 April 2014
#1022
The head seamstress surveyed the trainee's work and sighed.
"If all you can make with a sewing machine is large rectangles of cloth, then I'm afraid it's curtains for you, my dear."
"If all you can make with a sewing machine is large rectangles of cloth, then I'm afraid it's curtains for you, my dear."
Monday 31 March 2014
Sunday 30 March 2014
Saturday 29 March 2014
Friday 28 March 2014
Thursday 27 March 2014
Wednesday 26 March 2014
#1016
At first, the turtle had been shy and reluctant, but over the last week it had really come out of its shell.
Tuesday 25 March 2014
Monday 24 March 2014
#1014
Since becoming an acrobat, the actor had grown more and more uncomfortable with the regular exhortation to break a leg.
Sunday 23 March 2014
Saturday 22 March 2014
#1012
The displaced soccer club's request to host a game was dismissed on the basis that they had no grounds for their claim.
Friday 21 March 2014
#1011
A: I was just typing when I suddenly lost all sensation in my fingers. Do you know what's happening?
B: Yes, that would be the Numb Lock.
B: Yes, that would be the Numb Lock.
Thursday 20 March 2014
Wednesday 19 March 2014
Tuesday 18 March 2014
#1008
A: I think I have hives, whom should I call?
B: Depending on the variety, a doctor or a beekeeper.
B: Depending on the variety, a doctor or a beekeeper.
Monday 17 March 2014
#1007
A: I just know that something is afoot.
B: The thing at the base of your leg with five toes. That's a foot. You know this.
B: The thing at the base of your leg with five toes. That's a foot. You know this.
Sunday 16 March 2014
Saturday 15 March 2014
Friday 14 March 2014
Thursday 13 March 2014
Wednesday 12 March 2014
#1002
A: You really upset me! Didn't you see me crying?
B: Upset? I thought you were having a wail of a time.
B: Upset? I thought you were having a wail of a time.
Tuesday 11 March 2014
Monday 10 March 2014
#1000
Sherlock rounded the corner and stumbled to a halt. There was nobody in sight. His eyes pierced the shadows and swept every stone as his flashlight traced the length of the alley, only to find a silent dead end, and the crushingly heavy realisation of another failed pursuit. As he heaved in gulps of air, he noticed a small piece of paper lying on a cobble. Trembling with familiar dread, he bent down and held it up to the meagre beam of light dribbling out of a weary old street lamp. PERMISSION TO ATTEND, it read, in neatly printed black letters, infuriatingly identical to the other three notes.
Sherlock crumpled the paper with an angry fist. Once again, the suspect had given him the slip.
Sherlock crumpled the paper with an angry fist. Once again, the suspect had given him the slip.
Sunday 9 March 2014
Saturday 8 March 2014
Friday 7 March 2014
#997
"I don't care where the deer start running, as long as you understand that the buck stops here."
Thursday 6 March 2014
Wednesday 5 March 2014
#995
"I'm not saying that that insect is in my personal space. I'm just saying that it's beginning to enc-roach."
Tuesday 4 March 2014
Monday 3 March 2014
Sunday 2 March 2014
Saturday 1 March 2014
Friday 28 February 2014
#990
The DJ gazed at his old nemesis, his face sliding into a bitter smile. He paused to consider how long he had waited for this moment, and the answer made him decide that he should savour it. He slowly inhaled, absorbing the aroma of defeat, and began to speak.
"My, my, my. How the tables have turned."
"My, my, my. How the tables have turned."
Thursday 27 February 2014
Wednesday 26 February 2014
#988
"I have rabbits. Wanna see?"
Daniel glowered at the man who had uttered these words, and glumly wondered why people were so reluctant when he used the same line about his pets. Some day, he thought, someone would take an interest in his crabs.
Daniel glowered at the man who had uttered these words, and glumly wondered why people were so reluctant when he used the same line about his pets. Some day, he thought, someone would take an interest in his crabs.
Tuesday 25 February 2014
Monday 24 February 2014
#986
A: You should go. It's high time that you got some culture in you.
B: Couldn't I just eat some yoghurt?
B: Couldn't I just eat some yoghurt?
Sunday 23 February 2014
Saturday 22 February 2014
Friday 21 February 2014
Thursday 20 February 2014
#982
A: They only do one yoga class at the same time every week.
B: Really? I would have expected a yoga class to be more flexible.
B: Really? I would have expected a yoga class to be more flexible.
Wednesday 19 February 2014
Tuesday 18 February 2014
Monday 17 February 2014
#979
A: Did it shrink in the wash?
B: No, it shrank while being ironed - during the de-creasing process.
B: No, it shrank while being ironed - during the de-creasing process.
Sunday 16 February 2014
Saturday 15 February 2014
Friday 14 February 2014
Thursday 13 February 2014
#975
"Potted, not pot. I said you could have a potted plant on your desk."
Senior Constable Mathieson was beginning to have concerns about the calibre of some of the new recruits.
Senior Constable Mathieson was beginning to have concerns about the calibre of some of the new recruits.
Wednesday 12 February 2014
Tuesday 11 February 2014
Monday 10 February 2014
#972
"But t'is is t'e only way I know to speak."
George the Third reflected that employing this man as a herald had not been the best marketing choice.
George the Third reflected that employing this man as a herald had not been the best marketing choice.
Sunday 9 February 2014
Saturday 8 February 2014
Friday 7 February 2014
Thursday 6 February 2014
Wednesday 5 February 2014
Tuesday 4 February 2014
Monday 3 February 2014
Sunday 2 February 2014
Saturday 1 February 2014
#963
A: Honesty, loyalty, generosity - you just can' buy them.
B: Yeah, you can't get value for money.
B: Yeah, you can't get value for money.
Friday 31 January 2014
Thursday 30 January 2014
#961
A: Did you really order five hundred kilograms of bacon?
B: Come on, I'm sure we've all made rasher decisions.
B: Come on, I'm sure we've all made rasher decisions.
Wednesday 29 January 2014
#960
"I know that your skin condition is uncomfortable," said the doctor, "but don't make any rash decisions."
Tuesday 28 January 2014
Monday 27 January 2014
#958
As an experienced devil, Eli knew that patience was key to his work - it would be unrealistic to expect people to sin on the first at-tempt.
Sunday 26 January 2014
Saturday 25 January 2014
#956
Judith rose quickly through the ranks of the male-dominated company; however, she was fired after an unfortunate mishap involving her and a now irreparable glass ceiling.
Friday 24 January 2014
Thursday 23 January 2014
#954
Perhaps it was his frustration with the scarce evidence, or perhaps it was his migraine, but that day, Jacob the prosecutor gave a particularly cross examination.
Wednesday 22 January 2014
Tuesday 21 January 2014
Monday 20 January 2014
Sunday 19 January 2014
Saturday 18 January 2014
Friday 17 January 2014
#948
"I understand that you appreciate chess games with unusual promotions, but I think you're taking it a bit far, William."
Shakespeare's publisher was unimpressed with the first draft of Twelfth Knight.
Shakespeare's publisher was unimpressed with the first draft of Twelfth Knight.
Thursday 16 January 2014
#947
As the days ebbed away after Christmas, Teresa could not help but feel that she, and indeed the whole world, was headed in an Easterly direction.
Wednesday 15 January 2014
Tuesday 14 January 2014
Monday 13 January 2014
#944
"Stop looking at the salad! You'll dry it out!"
Gavin stood up, stunned. He had no idea that people could tell that he had been undressing it with his eyes.
Gavin stood up, stunned. He had no idea that people could tell that he had been undressing it with his eyes.
Sunday 12 January 2014
Saturday 11 January 2014
#942
Which story of the creation of the world attributes it to asexual reproduction?
The Book of Parthenogenesis.
The Book of Parthenogenesis.
Friday 10 January 2014
Thursday 9 January 2014
Wednesday 8 January 2014
#939
The walls of Gerald's aquarium were constructed entirely out of crystal; he couldn't bear to see his exotic pets flopping around like fish out of Waterford.
Tuesday 7 January 2014
#938
Teacher: Use the word feckless in a sentence.
Student: An Irish person who's not allowed to swear is feckless.
Student: An Irish person who's not allowed to swear is feckless.
Monday 6 January 2014
Sunday 5 January 2014
Saturday 4 January 2014
#935
Depending on how you interpret the expression "winter is coming", you may never be able to enjoy snow.
Friday 3 January 2014
Thursday 2 January 2014
Wednesday 1 January 2014
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