Monday, 30 November 2015

Sunday, 29 November 2015


What sound do pirates' stomachs make when they want liquor?


Saturday, 28 November 2015


Where in an airport can you check how old a suitcase is?

The bag-age area.

Friday, 27 November 2015


What holiday do American military vehicle manufacturers celebrate in November?


Thursday, 26 November 2015


What did the poetry prostitute say to the potential client?

"Looking for a good rhyme?"

Wednesday, 25 November 2015


What should you say to an incompetent dog breeder?

"Step pup your game."

Tuesday, 24 November 2015


What happened to the priest who had his beard trimmed in the church tower?

He was shaved by the bell.

Monday, 23 November 2015


A: Can you carry my bag?

B: I can't believe you would satchel me with this burden.

Sunday, 22 November 2015


What did the king say about the reliable nobleman who was lower than a duke but higher than a baron?

"You can Count on him."

Saturday, 21 November 2015


What do you call the wife of a Duke in the Netherlands?

A Dutchess.

Friday, 20 November 2015


After looking over her footnotes, Emeline realised that the quote she had searched for was hiding in plain citation.

Thursday, 19 November 2015


Where is the worst place in Germany to wake up after a night of heavy drinking?


Wednesday, 18 November 2015


What television series tells the story of a woman who memorises homicide case files?

Murder, She Rote.

Tuesday, 17 November 2015


Why couldn't Hayley do squats?

She was glute intolerant.

Monday, 16 November 2015


Which Tennyson poem recounts an attack conducted by a troop of bantamweights?

The charge of the light brigade.

Sunday, 15 November 2015


The operator of the public humiliation device was known for being a pillory of the community.

Saturday, 14 November 2015


The innovative stoner, the first to smoke a mixture of dried fruit and nuts, was widely regarded as a trail blazer.

Friday, 13 November 2015

Thursday, 12 November 2015


Officer Brace tossed and turn in a fitful rest, plagued by recurring visions of her indecent exposure arrest. She woke up, sweating. She was going to have to find a way to stop these flashbacks.

Wednesday, 11 November 2015

Tuesday, 10 November 2015


What do you call a dream-like blurring of reality and imagination caused by a soft drink?

A Fanta-smagoric experience.

Monday, 9 November 2015


What do you call false prices in a tavern?

Inn accurate.

Sunday, 8 November 2015


What feature most commonly makes a woodchopper pretty?

Lumberous eyes.

Saturday, 7 November 2015


What do you call the leader of a military sniffer dog squad?

A scent-urion.

Friday, 6 November 2015


What do you call a padded bag used for defensive rugby training?

A recep-tackle.

Thursday, 5 November 2015


After commencing the nutrition program for chest muscles, Andy had great eggs-pec-tations.

Wednesday, 4 November 2015


What do you call it when a person must choose one of two cliffs off which to jump?

A di-lemming.

Tuesday, 3 November 2015

Monday, 2 November 2015


After it proved impossible to move directly above the air ducts, Richie decided to circumvent them.

Sunday, 1 November 2015


What did the priest say when asked if he could abandon his congregation?

"Parish the thought!"