Thursday, 31 May 2012


Cow A: My sister Klein is giving birth right now.

Cow B: I guess we should call her Calvin' Klein.

Wednesday, 30 May 2012


Cow A: Patsy's been working out while her children are at music lessons.

Cow B: That explains her nicely toned calves.

Tuesday, 29 May 2012


Cow A: That calf is six months old and still hasn't uttered a word.

Cow B: Maybe it's moote.

Monday, 28 May 2012


Cow A: What's your favourite film?

Cow B: Moolin Rouge.

Sunday, 27 May 2012


Which country has the most effeminate men in Asia?


Saturday, 26 May 2012


The optometrist's disgruntled customer was creating quite a spectacle.

Friday, 25 May 2012

Thursday, 24 May 2012


"You'll never learn, will ye, Angus? We raise our villages, and we raze our enemies' villages. Not the other way round, Angus! Not the other way round!"

Wednesday, 23 May 2012


Is this a badger that I see before me?

Shakespeare and Farthing Wood are not an effective combination.

Tuesday, 22 May 2012


Did you hear about the gay android bouncing on a stick who encouraged a solitary homeless man wearing a long-sleeved T-shirt to seize the day?

"Yolo, mofo!" said the robo homo on a pogo to the solo hobo in a polo.

Monday, 21 May 2012


It is widely believed that Marge Simpson is Homer-sexual.

Sunday, 20 May 2012


Jack had only performed two executions, but he was already getting the hang of it.

Saturday, 19 May 2012


Elly the defence attorney had only represented clients in two cases of indecent assault, but she was already getting the feel of it.

Friday, 18 May 2012


If you see something, say something - preferably something racist and offensive.

Thursday, 17 May 2012


Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and is one with the universe.

Wednesday, 16 May 2012


Mark the real estate agent was yet to learn the difference between ducted heating and a heater held together with duct tape.

Tuesday, 15 May 2012


Irony is when the word combinatorics is classified as an uncountable noun.

Monday, 14 May 2012


What did the Cookie Monster say when playing the role of Juliet?

O Oreo, Oreo! wherefore art thou Oreo?

Sunday, 13 May 2012


When I said mathematician, I meant combinatorist. Other mathematicians don't count.

Saturday, 12 May 2012

Friday, 11 May 2012


Although she generally enjoyed the banter with rival convents, Sister Anne had grown sick of the 'yo momma superior' jokes.

Thursday, 10 May 2012


As the Mother Superior's deputy, Rosetta was second to nun.

Wednesday, 9 May 2012


I don't think any priest could ever have been as excited as the one who realised that, instead of "praising God", one could "laud the Lord".

Well, it would have made me very happy.

Tuesday, 8 May 2012


Scientists are searching for habitable planets in other star systems, primarily so that lactose intolerant humans need no longer suffer in the Milky Way.

Monday, 7 May 2012


The story of Icarus teaches us that, when things get hot, even the best wingman will fail.

Sunday, 6 May 2012


The Bible is full of people being punished for sending out messengers and representatives, warning us against the deadly sin of envoy.

Saturday, 5 May 2012

Friday, 4 May 2012


A: I'm sorry, I will not tolerate bees in my house.

B: You're always such a buzzkill!

Thursday, 3 May 2012


It is the fat in meat the causes it to remain upright. Thus, meat with little or no fat is called lean meat.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012


Irony is when an overweight, middle-aged person's hard drive is formatted as FAT32.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012


Roger the abalone had no friends. He was very abalonely.