#1692

Where do pilots meet airport ground staff?

On the landing.

#1691

A: Does this ship carry cargo?

B: I'm a-freight not.

#1690

After debating whether to steal from the sink, the thief eventually decided to take the plunger.

#1689

Why did the crow put in extra effort at work?

it wanted a caw-porate position.

#1688

The Solar System can look beautiful from afar, although among many viewers, a lack of appreciation for the fourth planet from the sun mars their experience.

#1687

What do you a vehicle repair shop run by a mechanic with split-personality disorder?

Jekyll and hydraulics.

#1686

What do you call chairs covered with animal pelts?

Fur-niture.

#1685

What happens to a pen if you touch its nib?

It becomes a felt tip pen.

#1684

A: Are you glad that your appointment's been moved earlier?

B: Yes! I feel like a wait has been lifted.

#1683

What did the hermit do at the bank before leaving society forever?

Withdraw.

#1682

What do you call the sound made by a group of people with emphysema?

A cacoughophony.

#1681

What do you call the act of stealing medication?

Pillfering.

#1680

What do you call someone who can be representative of all those with the flu?

Phlegm-blematic.

#1679

A: Do you think think the man over there with a bowl full of party beverage in his bag would be effective in a fight?

B: Well, he certainly packs a punch.

#1678

What do you call a mobile brothel from the Middle Ages?

A whores and cart.

#1677

What do you call the act of dropping sparkles in the street?

Glittering.

#1676

Which flower is the best romantic present for someone you want to kiss?

A two-lip.

#1675

What kind of flower cannot be seen at night?

A days-y.

#1674

"Watch out for him. He's always wheelin' and dealin'."

The locals were wary of the owner of the camembert-themed poker club.

#1673

Why did the clumsy fisherman become a dubstep producer?

He realised that he was really good at dropping the bass.

#1672

After being banned from making balloon animals, the children's party entertainer felt quite deflated.

#1671

What do bicycle vendors do at a market?

Pedal their wares.

#1670

Did you hear about the broken people who fell in love?

They were frag-meant to be.

#1669

What do you call a dazed pirate?

Groggy.

#1668

The tiger gazed at the herd of zebras - they were stripe for the picking.

#1667

Why can't rappers work at water companies?

Their flow makes everyone sick.

#1666

As the owner of a successful lemonade franchise, Charlotte was known for her zest for life.

#1665

What song did Crowded House write about their repeated visits to the spice shop?

Four Seasonings In One Day

#1664

How did the two animals who missed Noah's Ark survive the flood?

On their gi-raft.

#1663

What do you call a wizard who can create fog out of elemental materials?

An alche-mist.

#1662

What is needed to encourage builders to construct a defensive body of water around a castle?

Moativation.

#1661

Hollywood actors go to eternal damnation via the house of Ms Klum - you can see them passing through the gates of Heidi's.

#1660

The male sheep dormitories were often unruly; today, the farmer noted that they were particularly ram-bunk-tious.

#1659

What kind of decorative sheet is known for its use in hip hop?

Rapping paper.

#1658

How do nuns win arm wrestles?

Force of habit.

#1657

What do you call a former lover from Provence?

An aix.

#1656

What did the priest say when the members of the secret sect received their final sacrament of Catholic initiation?

"Illuminati confirmed."

#1655

The birth of Jesus went smoothly, with both mother and child in a stable condition.

#1654

What is the culinary opposite of a baguette?

Shortbread.

#1653

How would you describe a significant piece for a church choir?

Hymn-portant.

#1652

How can you tell if a drunk crowd doesn't like you?

You can hear their booze.

#1651

What is used to stop drinks from leaving stains on tables at beachside bars?

Coasters.

#1650

What do you call it when a checkered sponge cake is squashed?

Flattenberg cake.

#1649

What did the Jedi say to the plumber on her first day?

"May the faucet be with you."

#1648

Who was the drummer in the Mexican Beatles?

Gringo.

#1647

What do you call sexual deviant nits?

Lice-entious.

#1646

A: I love those guys! They always bring such light to the room.

B: That's not that impressive.

A: What do you mean?

B: I think it takes a lot more effort to bring heavy.

#1645

What symbolic gesture did the Greek slaves make when reclaiming their freedom?

They threw off their fetas.

#1644

What did 18th century peasants use as napkins?

Serf-iettes.

#1643

What form of energy is the most democratic?

Elect-ricity.