#1661

Hollywood actors go to eternal damnation via the house of Ms Klum - you can see them passing through the gates of Heidi's.

#1660

The male sheep dormitories were often unruly; today, the farmer noted that they were particularly ram-bunk-tious.

#1659

What kind of decorative sheet is known for its use in hip hop?

Rapping paper.

#1658

How do nuns win arm wrestles?

Force of habit.

#1657

What do you call a former lover from Provence?

An aix.

#1656

What did the priest say when the members of the secret sect received their final sacrament of Catholic initiation?

"Illuminati confirmed."

#1655

The birth of Jesus went smoothly, with both mother and child in a stable condition.

#1654

What is the culinary opposite of a baguette?

Shortbread.

#1653

How would you describe a significant piece for a church choir?

Hymn-portant.

#1652

How can you tell if a drunk crowd doesn't like you?

You can hear their booze.

#1651

What is used to stop drinks from leaving stains on tables at beachside bars?

Coasters.

#1650

What do you call it when a checkered sponge cake is squashed?

Flattenberg cake.

#1649

What did the Jedi say to the plumber on her first day?

"May the faucet be with you."

#1648

Who was the drummer in the Mexican Beatles?

Gringo.

#1647

What do you call sexual deviant nits?

Lice-entious.

#1646

A: I love those guys! They always bring such light to the room.

B: That's not that impressive.

A: What do you mean?

B: I think it takes a lot more effort to bring heavy.

#1645

What symbolic gesture did the Greek slaves make when reclaiming their freedom?

They threw off their fetas.

#1644

What did 18th century peasants use as napkins?

Serf-iettes.

#1643

What form of energy is the most democratic?

Elect-ricity.

#1642

What kind of lung disease is caused by eating too many root vegetables?

Tuberculosis.

#1641

Why did Zeus hate show-off minor deities?

They were always trying to steal his thunder.

#1640

What do you call a German Christmas bread which you took without paying?

Stolen (Give-it-bäck).

#1639

What was the prisoner with an Oedipal complex served while in prison?

Freudian slop.

#1638

How did the group of black lovers tell their parrot that they wanted to add a white member?

"Poly want a cracker."

#1637

The wine cellar was useless without any wine buyers.

#1636

Which structure in train stations consists of interwoven waiting areas?

A plait-form.

#1635

What song did Green Day write about an unrepeatable encounter with a stopwatch?

Timer of Your Life

#1634

A: Why wasn't there a post yesterday?

B: The writer took a day off to work to be wise about stomach exercises.

A: What do you mean?

B: I just explained his ab-sense.

#1633

As he looked around the orchard one last time, Zorro knew that he would cherry-sh these memories forever.

#1632

What do the British lower classes use to moisturise their lips?

Chavsticks.

#1631

What do you call the study of electronic plant substitutes?

Robotany.

#1630

What do you call a famous buttercup?

Renowned-culus.

#1629

What sound do pirates' stomachs make when they want liquor?

Rum-bling.

#1628

Where in an airport can you check how old a suitcase is?

The bag-age area.

#1627

What holiday do American military vehicle manufacturers celebrate in November?

Tanks-giving.

#1626

What did the poetry prostitute say to the potential client?

"Looking for a good rhyme?"

#1625

What should you say to an incompetent dog breeder?

"Step pup your game."

#1624

What happened to the priest who had his beard trimmed in the church tower?

He was shaved by the bell.

#1623

A: Can you carry my bag?

B: I can't believe you would satchel me with this burden.

#1622

What did the king say about the reliable nobleman who was lower than a duke but higher than a baron?

"You can Count on him."

#1621

What do you call the wife of a Duke in the Netherlands?

A Dutchess.

#1620

After looking over her footnotes, Emeline realised that the quote she had searched for was hiding in plain citation.

#1619

Where is the worst place in Germany to wake up after a night of heavy drinking?

Hanover.

#1618

What television series tells the story of a woman who memorises homicide case files?

Murder, She Rote.

#1617

Why couldn't Hayley do squats?

She was glute intolerant.

#1616

Which Tennyson poem recounts an attack conducted by a troop of bantamweights?

The charge of the light brigade.

#1615

The operator of the public humiliation device was known for being a pillory of the community.

#1614

The innovative stoner, the first to smoke a mixture of dried fruit and nuts, was widely regarded as a trail blazer.

#1613

What do you call a significant tiny demon?

Imp-ortant.

#1612

Officer Brace tossed and turn in a fitful rest, plagued by recurring visions of her indecent exposure arrest. She woke up, sweating. She was going to have to find a way to stop these flashbacks.