#144

Oh, he has a speech impediment? And all along I just thought that he was a really good rapper.

#143

A: So you say that you are filled with fresh vigour and eagerness, and that you have discovered a small country near Australia?

B: Yes indeed! I have found new zeal and New Zealand.

#142

Jugglers commence their act by vomiting. In order to juggle, they must throw it up first.

#141

Which coastal bird used his martial arts skills to gain a Hollywood career?

Steven Seagull.

#140

The butcher loved to meat new people. He would then add them on Facebook and pork them.

#139

"Eggs! Why?" said a bee.

XYZAB

#138

A: You must dress formally.

B: Who's Mally? And why am I dressing for this person?

#137

Fish can't climb trees, but they can scale buildings.

#136

We have nothing to eat but food itself.

#135

In the Wizard of Oz, the Tin Man always adopted a Can-Do attitude.

#134

A: There's a dead bug on my desk.

B: That sounds pretty fly.

#133

What is the technical term for using a map and compass to navigate terrain in Asia?

Orient-eering.

#132

A: So you hate Asians and Taylor Swift?

B: Yeah, I guess I just don't like people with narrow eyes.

#131

A: You know that woman who makes bridal outfits? She keeps saying things that indirectly sound as if she wants to cause me some harm.

B: So she who threads veils also veils threats.

#130

I can't believe that you left it switched off. That is simply not on.

#129

You tortured him with the inner thread of a candle? That's horribly wicked!

#128

I am carefully avoiding any discussion regarding the telescope. If someone tries to talk to me about it, I will reply, "No comet."

#127

I enrolled in cooking classes and film classes, but neither panned out as I'd expected.

#126

I expect everyone to line up patiently for the seafood buffet. There's no need to clamour.

#125

What syndrome causes humans to sprout the soft feathers which are usually found on young birds?

Down Syndrome.

#124

Anger, pure, unadulterated anger

Coursed through its veins,
Raging within, as it scurried
Over the dog's back,
Searching for a hairless patch that would
Soon be the entry point

Through which it would
Insert its hypostome, and
Consume until it
Keeled over, filled with blood and fury.

#123

A: Did you click on it?

B: No, but I gave it a cursory glance.

#122

Some ancient legends entertain me, but not all. They're a bit hit and myth.

#121

Despite its name, cosplay rarely has anything to do with lettuce.

#120

What is the battle anthem of the Chinese navy?

Yellow Submarine.

#119

Who is responsible for taking calls on behalf of a group?

The ring leader.

#118

Was there really fog this morning? I must have mist it.

#116

What is the male version of a porcelain ewe?

A ce-ram-ic.

#117

It's so sweet to see people waiting in line. It's so queuete.

#115

Case 1

A: I can't believe she's saying things like that. She's so sexist!

B: Well, she's had some bad experiences with men.

A: Oh, I'm so sorry, I had no idea.

Case 2

A: I can't believe he's saying things like that. He's so sexist!

B: Well, he's had some bad experiences with women.

A: That's no excuse! He's a pig!

#114

Ah, you would like to see some examples of our furniture? This way, madam. The stool samples are over here.

#113

Dear Adele, if there's a fire starting in your heart, it probably means that you had too much fried food.

#112

The ant that is traversing my body has reached the final leg of its journey.

#111

A: Honestly, what do people see in their abusive partners?

B: Beats me.

#110

A: Stop throwing eggs at me!

B: You're just sulking because the yolk's on you.

#109

What follows a birthday of heavy drinking?

A barfday.

What follows a birthday spent playing in mud?

A bathday.

#108

What creature roams from garden to garden?

A gnomad.

#107

How does a feminist protest in a fancy restaurant?

Candelabra.

#106

Yippee ki yay, Freudian slip!

#105

A: What's an Oedipus complex?

B: Yer mum's an Oedipus complex.

#104

Have you been to the Antarctic? That's where all the cool people go.

#103

A: It's as silent as a tomb in here.

B: Don't be so cryptic.

#102

In order to maintain a blog with accurate spelling, one must have an i for detal.

#101

Where are coat planes stored?

In coat hangars.

#100

A: I swear, if you make one more pun, I'll break your glasses.

B: If you did that, I would be shattered.

Pause. A splintering sound.

B: I'm shattered.

#99

To unlock the world of music, one only needs the keys.

#98

A: I still can't make up my mind about whether to include Toby.

B: Me neither. I don't know whether we should ask him or not.

A: I can't decide either way.

B: Toby or not Toby, that is the question.

#97

Our official law enforcing organisation is a small thicket of trees. So, to report a crime, call the copse.

#96

Everything is in order with this speaker system; it's perfectly sound.

#95

Understanding probability matrices is the Markov a fine statistician.