#1377

What do you call the assessor of a shooting exam?

A marksman.

#1376

It is conventional for a furry porn actor to have a skunk double.

#1375

A: I can't believe you cut off my water supply! This isn't funny, B.

B: I think you need to make more of an effort to understand my dry sense of humour.

#1374

A: What do you say when you want him to write?

B: Inscribe!

A: And when you want to dismiss him?

B: Out, scribe!

#1373

What kind of guard stands in the middle of a camp?

A centry.

#1372

What kind of drink is designed to help reptiles?

Gator-aid.

#1371

What do you call a work of theatre sent in the mail?

A post script.

#1370

Where does the Vatican keep records of its cancelled marriages?

In its Annuls.

#1369

"Your diction is excellent, but you are very poor at dividing food appropriately among your guests. You will have to take allocation lessons."

#1368

Boris Nemtsov, an outspoken critic of the Russian government, was killed after disPutin its practices.

#1367

Why did the cat shed in the garden?

To furtilise the plants.

#1366

Too weak to be a piano mover, Alan decided to transport triangles - however, there wasn't much work, even after he advertised himself as the first real shapeshifter.

#1365

What did Odysseus's Chinese crew member say about the seductresses of the sea?

"The Sirens was deafening."

#1364

What do you call a Mexican hairdresser?

Ombré.

#1363

The hardest part of being a sniper is maintaining focus.

#1362

Which dance is traditionally performed against the barriers between rooms?

The walltz.

#1361

In the scarecrow's opinion, the adjacent rosebush was just a thorn in his side.

#1360

The taxi driver was disqualified from the race for starting early; he was now the first cab off the ranks.

#1359

What is the sauciest seafood dish?

Anything with periwinkles.

#1358

The female greenhouse curator was fired after numerous attempts at smashing the glass ceiling.

#1357

What brand of condoms did dinosaurs wear?

Do-rex.

#1356

What do you call a relative sleeping on a serviette?

Napkin.

#1355

The predatory onions lured unsuspecting victims into their layers.

#1354

What is the official title of the elected leader of tropical fruits?

The guavanor.

#1353

What do you call a group of prostitutes barely visible in the distance?

A whore-izon.

#1352

On what day does France formally celebrate all the looting that occurred during the Revolution?

Ba-steal Day.

#1351

After a century of secularisation, the central church, which had once seemed grand and magnificent, now merely appeared cathe-droll.

#1350

A: These models are way too thin to be healthy!

B: No, they're just elegaunt.

#1349

The stage manager knew that any backdrop could be created if she set her mind to it.

#1348

After living in Australia for years, Shelley's understanding of the nation's language could only be described as intimate.

#1347

"Not everything is black and white! I hate it when people put me into boxes."

For what seemed like the hundredth time, the ringmaster wondered why Rosy had signed up to be a goth magician's assistant.

#1346

What kind of cheese does the Mafia use to make cheesecake?

Crim cheese.

#1345

The police tried to recover the stolen segment of gold chain, but couldn't find the missing blingk.

#1344

What do you call a confused panda?

Bamboozled.

#1343

The clothes-mending software wouldn't work until the installation of a patch.

#1342

The Nutcracker is one of the most famous ballets of all time, and derives its name from the difficult and often painful choreography required of its male dancers.

#1341

Zeus was unimpressed by the newer deities; he felt that they were stealing his thunder.

#1340

The temporary bracing on the roof of the tunnel was currently enshoring the safety of its occupants.

#1339

The birds strutted around in an extravagant display of pigeontry.

#1338

The jeweller needed to adjust the breastpin, but had no idea how to brooch the subject.

#1337

Taco the cat could cough up furballs at will; he was widely considered to be an elite hacker.

#1336

A: Get your feet back or they might get run over.

B: Are you saying that this is a toe away zone?

A: You know what? Stretch your legs out. Make yourself comfortable.

#1335

What kind of document allows foreign citizens to cross rivers?

A bridging visa.

#1334

Did you hear about the literature major who became a builder?

He only worked on deconstruction sites.

#1333

What do you call the act of ridiculing an old-fashioned light source?

Lampooning.

#1332

Any other disability would have prevented Claude from dancing; luckily, he had a nightclub-foot.

#1331

Anna-Rose loved going on dates with soccer players; she knew that they would always foot the bill.

#1330

What do you call a box for carrying underwear?

A briefscase.

#1329

Most Baroque composers were known to be trill seekers.

#1328

What kind of marsupial can work as a debt collector?

A bill-by.