#1346

What kind of cheese does the Mafia use to make cheesecake?

Crim cheese.

#1345

The police tried to recover the stolen segment of gold chain, but couldn't find the missing blingk.

#1344

What do you call a confused panda?

Bamboozled.

#1343

The clothes-mending software wouldn't work until the installation of a patch.

#1342

The Nutcracker is one of the most famous ballets of all time, and derives its name from the difficult and often painful choreography required of its male dancers.

#1341

Zeus was unimpressed by the newer deities; he felt that they were stealing his thunder.

#1340

The temporary bracing on the roof of the tunnel was currently enshoring the safety of its occupants.

#1339

The birds strutted around in an extravagant display of pigeontry.

#1338

The jeweller needed to adjust the breastpin, but had no idea how to brooch the subject.

#1337

Taco the cat could cough up furballs at will; he was widely considered to be an elite hacker.

#1336

A: Get your feet back or they might get run over.

B: Are you saying that this is a toe away zone?

A: You know what? Stretch your legs out. Make yourself comfortable.

#1335

What kind of document allows foreign citizens to cross rivers?

A bridging visa.

#1334

Did you hear about the literature major who became a builder?

He only worked on deconstruction sites.

#1333

What do you call the act of ridiculing an old-fashioned light source?

Lampooning.

#1332

Any other disability would have prevented Claude from dancing; luckily, he had a nightclub-foot.

#1331

Anna-Rose loved going on dates with soccer players; she knew that they would always foot the bill.

#1330

What do you call a box for carrying underwear?

A briefscase.

#1329

Most Baroque composers were known to be trill seekers.

#1328

What kind of marsupial can work as a debt collector?

A bill-by.

#1327

The tree, having experienced many adventures in its youth, was ready to embark upon a new stage of life.

#1326

By what process can people give birth on a ship?

Sea-section.

#1325

The leader of the suicide cult always bled by example.

#1324

Jerry was not very good at Jewish scripture study - in fact, he was Torah-ble.

#1323

What do you call a tower made of pastry?

A pie-lon.

#1322

Teacher: Use the word footprints in a sentence.

Student: The royal fetishist who tracked down Cinderella was a foot-prince.

#1321

Teacher: Use the word congested in a sentence.

Student: When a criminal has made a joke, you could say that the con jested.

#1320

Ruby reflected that it was difficult to make nameplates on such a tight badget.

#1319

The nameplate maker was asked to move out of the way, but wouldn't badge.

#1318

What do you call alcohol-induced anger?

Beve-rage.

#1317

After visiting salt lakes and spice markets, Steph considered herself to be a seasoned traveller.

#1316

A: I think his outfit needs a complete overhaul.

B: It's a business suit. Don't you think that overalls would be out of place?

#1315

While waiting for a more permanent space, the locksmith had set up a key-osk.

#1314

Eric the con always attempted his deceits twice - he was very re-lie-able.

#1313

The organ removal surgeon was very consistent; she always de-livered.

#1312

What do you call inexpensive oil?

Value-bricant.

#1311

The initial insertion of the drip was tricky, but it was all smooth saline from there.

#1310

What do you call the opening on a dandy gentleman's camera?

The dapperture.

#1309

What do you call a light-field camera that helps the user to strategise?

Planoptic.

#1308

What do you call heaven for gamblers?

Para-dice.

#1307

A: Is this plane going to change direction?

B: I'm banking on it.

#1306

The five-pointer looked unlikely, but the rugby player decided that it was worth a try.

#1305

The Australian footballer had a successful night at the gay bar - he scored a lot of behinds.

#1304

The basketball player refused to use lines or spears when fishing; as she put it, she aimed for "nothing but net".

#1303

What did the grenadier shout after eating a curry?

"Fire in the hole!"

#1302

How did the woman feel after having an orgasm?

As happy as a clam.

#1301

The dean felt that forcing people to complete extensive paperwork in order to demonstrate financial need was very poor form.

#1300

What kind of reptile repairs computer screens?

A monitor lizard.

#1299

What did the sail say to the boat?

"Sorry to be such a drag."

#1298

After the invention of large passenger aircrafts, the aviation industry really began to take off.

#1297

The dressmaker attempted stand-up comedy, hoping to have her audience in stitches; unfortunately, her jokes were only sew-sew.