#697

How do bakers challenge each other's credibility?

"Do you even sift, bro?"

#696

A: Did all the self-absorbed people find adjacent chairs?

B: Yes, they are con-seated.

#695

The mirror couldn't help showing people images of themselves. It was a reflects action.

#694

How do you spot radiologists at a party?

They're the ones scanning the room.

#693

Why was King Solomon often asked to resolve conflicts?

He was an excellent ad-Jew-dicator.

#692

One year ago, Millicent wouldn't have had the confidence to lift a large rock, but since she'd started moving small and medium-sized stones, she had been getting boulder.

#691

Have you heard the one about the computer that could stop time? It never gets old.

#690

What happened when the bread maker took drugs?

He got baked.

#689

A: He doesn't want any of our minerals.

B: Well, less phos for him, more phos for us.

#688

Teacher: Use the word dispersion in a sentence.

Student: Dispersion is from Tehran, but that Persian is from Isfahan.

#687

After 20 years working in a pencil shop, Gladys felt that her career was stationary.

#686

The Jewish community in Japan has established a Whaling Wall.

#685

A: These small nails are really ugly.

B: Are you saying that they look tacky?

#684

What word appears at the end of any film about sharks?

Fin.

#683

What did the madam say when her girls returned to work after a holiday?

"Long time, no D."

#682

What do you call someone who sells narcotics from a bicycle?

A drug peddler.

#681

Composers who use too many triplets tend to be arrested and kept inside a compound.

#680

What do bees do when they're angry?

Cross-pollination.

#679

A: My ballroom dancing teacher says that I'm an absolute failure.

B: Don't worry, A. There are plenty of other dances you can try. An abun-dance, if you will.

[Pause. A crunching sound.]

B: For example, you excel at high kicks.

#678

Who sings the best break-up songs?

Dolly Partin'.

#677

The dictator was tired of improper male geese. It was time for some propaganda.

#676

Marina was disappointed by the lack of interest in her warm baked goods business - she had expected them to sell like hot cakes.

#675

Given his name, the music of Carcassi is surprisingly lively.

#674

As a job, de-seeding cherries would be the pits.

#673

Having just arrived at the Manhattan statistics conference, Tessa was in an empirical state of mind.

#672

Robin's parents intervened as soon as he started modifying their front fence - they knew that it could be a gateway to more serious construction projects.

#671

I want to write books about a nineteenth century German philosopher, but I'm afraid that it would only appeal to a Nietzsche market.

#670

A: You only sell tickets at a fixed price? What about discounts for children, students, or seniors?

B: I'm afraid that we make no such concessions.

#669

"They're running out of plastic tubes intended for transferring a beverage from its container to the mouth of the drinker by use of suction? This is the last straw!"

#668

I amino state to do this chemistry exam.

#667

"It's elementary, my dear Watson. At seven o'clock that morning, he was searching for his missing deodorant. At eight o'clock, he was found dead on his bathroom floor. Well, that very same bottle of deodorant is on this table. There is no mystery to this murder, Watson. Right before our eyes, we have the missing Lynx."

#666

In what shape is hay served to Cattle-ics?

In a Christian Bale.

#665

What did Lady Macbeth say while doing her laundry?

"Out, damned spot! out, I say!"

#664

Noah had included a private cabin so that he would have a space to himself when the animals arked up too much.

#663

After quitting her job as a human rotating clothes rack, a position she had held for the past twenty years, Erin was dismayed to find that her old colleagues were calling her a turncoat.

#662

Diehard Democrats will always Barack for Obama.

#661

Many asthma sufferers find the traditions of the Vatican to be incense-itive.

#660

What do company executives play to relax after meetings?

Board games.

#659

Odette had everything she needed to take the revolution to the capital - the numbers, the spirit, the timing. The only obstacle that stood in her way was the marshland, which had risen above the road after the deluge. She was a rebel without a causeway.

#658

A: Why do you always give me a clock for my birthday?

B: Because there's no time like the present.

#657

Which novel by Leo Tolstoy told the tragic tale of a ceramic vessel flute's affair with a Count?

Ana Ocarin-ina.

#656

The aging mobster was so shocked by the sudden entry of police into his den that he suffered a heart attack. It was later referred to as a cardiac arrest.

#655

Most of the time, it was an ordinary house; but, every full moon, it was transformed into a warehouse.

#654

I hope that everyone has a (wait for it) Good Friday.

#653

Critics agreed that the greatest strength of Slumdog Millionaire was the caste.

#652

A: Would you like to learn how to tie together thin strings of timber?

B: I wood knot.

#651

What breed of geese live near Spain?

Portu-geese.

#650

What did the beaver say when he learned that his home river was being affected by global warming?

"Hot dam!"

#649

What did the plumber say when the electrical supplies company gave her free advertising?

"Thanks for the plug."

#648

As the Japanese gardeners charged, their blood-curdling scream rang around the valley.

"BONSAIIIIII!"