#391

On which Greek island were boxes invented?

Crete.

#390

Troubled by constipation, Stella sought a spiritual director, to teach her to let go.

#389

The torturer found that the electric chair was his most effective device. Its victims always confessed to being guilty as charged.

#388

It don't matter if you're black or white.

The motive for the suicide of Michael Jackson's chess teacher remains a mystery.

#387

At the start of a book, the names of all those who are satisfied with it are listed. This list is called the contents.

#386

A: We are willing to negotiate a pro bono scheme for you.

B: Bono? Why does this concern U2?

A: It concerns me because I am making you this offer. It all hinges, of course, on you accepting the medical experiment.

B: The probe? Oh, no!

A: Yes, the pro bono. It relies on you agreeing to a painless procedure which will be carried out using a totally safe device called the UpRobo.

B: UpRobo? No!

A: Yes, a pro bono. I believe that we have already established that.

#385

In hindsight, it was probably a bad idea to serve spotted dick at the herpes support group's annual luncheon.

#384

On her first day of work at the nursing home, Madeleine learned that the "here comes aeroplane" technique was not effective with suppositories.

#383

It is best not to argue with waiters, or tennis players, as there is a high risk of being served.

#382

Why do Peking ducks have long necks?

So that they can peek.

#381

Sherlock Holmes surveyed the bed.

"There are no blankets," he observed. "This bed is quite bare."

"No sheet, Sherlock," agreed Doctor Watson.

#380

In a monarchy, reasonable people by themselves pose no threat, and tea is harmless, of course. However, when tea and reason are combined, they can result in treason.

#379

In the Middle Ages, landowners who tried to leave their property to their daughters were often executed for the crime of heiressy.

#378

The warrior princess was perturbed by a strong sense of déjà vu, as if she had Xen-at all before.

#377

The Angel of Death flew through the land, striking dead the first-born son of every Egyptian family, in the world's first heir-raid.

#376

Alone once more with his computers, consoles, and other gadgets, Martin took a moment to relish the feeling. He loved being left to his own devices.

#375

A: Don't worry, my friend. I've got your back.

B: Aah! How will I stand? Give it back! Give it back!

#374

What do you call a bone movement specialist from Egypt?

A Cairopractor.

#373

The courageous invertebrate wanted to prove once and for all that he was not, as his critics often claimed, spineless.

#372

Jack's demonstration of the correct and healthy way to sit was met with some suspicion. Many among his audience felt that he was just posturing.

#371

A: What does 'unisex' mean?

B: I think it's what engineering students do.

#370

The pirate's assistants revelled in crewde humour.

#369

The greatest fear of a librarian is passing the point of no return.

#368

The favourite video game of herbologists is the classical Fennel Fantasy series.

#367

As he sat down beside his his favourite cow, the farmer realised that he had an audience. Reaching for the udder, he knew that he was going to milk this for all it was worth.

#366

Tired of suffering under the farmer's tyrannical rule, the chickens rose up in a coop d'état.

#365

The notes and coins repeatedly tried to unite, but, time and again, they were thwarted by denominational differences.

#364

I propose an award to acknowledge the person who most successfully managed to fake something at some point in the process of staging a musical. It would be called the Fast Tony.

#363

Samson's show was a huge success. He always brought the house down.

#362

A: I can see people wandering aimlessly around the building where grain is ground to make flour. What are they doing?

B: I expect they're milling.

#361

Why did has he joined a group of desert-dwelling nomads? There are so many other things that he could Bedouin.

#360

For centuries, many theologians have believed that gays are destined for hell. Here lies the origin of the term "flaming homosexuals".

#359

A: How's your holiday in Cuba going?

B: I'm Havana great time.

#358

As the opera singers' muscles were hyperextended in the torture racks, Gaspar leant back and enjoyed the melodious strains.

#357

Many people feel that decisions made by their national reserve bank are interesting but overrated.

#356

Mike called his gun Vodka, because he used it to do shots.

#355

I don't want my tomb to be particularly fancy. I'll be happy with something nondes-crypt.

#354

Pierre felt that his critics' claims about his cosmetics were without foundation.

#353

Cow A: I think the farmer's coming to choose one of us for leather!

Cow B: Quick, hide!

#352

Cow A: My sister Klein is giving birth right now.

Cow B: I guess we should call her Calvin' Klein.

#351

Cow A: Patsy's been working out while her children are at music lessons.

Cow B: That explains her nicely toned calves.

#350

Cow A: That calf is six months old and still hasn't uttered a word.

Cow B: Maybe it's moote.

#349

Cow A: What's your favourite film?

Cow B: Moolin Rouge.

#348

Which country has the most effeminate men in Asia?

Campuchea.

#347

The optometrist's disgruntled customer was creating quite a spectacle.

#346

A sleeveless garment is always a good investment.

#345

"You'll never learn, will ye, Angus? We raise our villages, and we raze our enemies' villages. Not the other way round, Angus! Not the other way round!"

#344

Is this a badger that I see before me?

Shakespeare and Farthing Wood are not an effective combination.

#343

Did you hear about the gay android bouncing on a stick who encouraged a solitary homeless man wearing a long-sleeved T-shirt to seize the day?

"Yolo, mofo!" said the robo homo on a pogo to the solo hobo in a polo.

#342

It is widely believed that Marge Simpson is Homer-sexual.