#2086

The other patients at the hospital complained that the amputees received sever-ential treatment.

#2085

What fruits always owes their first loyalty to their families?

Clanberries.

#2084

What do you call a tale about a woodwind player rebounding from failure?

A reed-emption story.

#2083

What do you call the act of copying a long-necked Australian bird?

Emu-lating.

#2082

What kind of pen only writes in one language?

An Ara-BIC.

#2081

What do you call it when one dog asks another dog to get married?

A pro-paws-al.

#2080

What do you call the section of the underworld in which sugar-free dieters are forced to consume sweets?

Caram-hell.

#2079

What kind of baked good tends to fall off cliffs?

Lemming-tons.

#2078

What is a computer programmer's favourite herb?

Parse-ley.

#2077

What product is the most difficult for greengrocers to transport?

Cucumbersome.

#2076

A: Why was there no post yesterday?

B: The writer was feeling lack-a-day-sical.

#2075

What is the best thing about people who don't own books?

They are often shelfless.

#2074

Early supporters of emails viewed the defendants of alternate methods of digital transmission as a dying faxtion.

#2073

Why did the jail warden have perfect skin?

He was an expert at preventing breakouts.

#2072

What kind of poison can be made with printer ink?

Cyanide.

#2071

What do you call an Asian wildcat?

A thai-ger.

#2070

What do you call a mattress upon which you can lie more than once?

Re-lie-able.

#2069

Why did the manicurist go to the gym?

---

A: Hold on, aren't we going to talk about the fact that the last two days were both posts for the previous? What happened?

B: The writer was trying to increase his muscle mass.

A: How does a three day backlog on the schedule serve-

B: He wanted to get buffer.

#2068

A: Why was there no post yesterday as well?

B: There was a post yesterday.

A: Yes, but it was just about why there wasn't a post the day before.

B: Because yesterday, the writer decided to create purely theatre.

A: How can you possibly explain-?

B: All of these subsequent explanation dialogues were just post-scripts.

#2067

A: Why was there no post yesterday?

B: The writer was changing from a preferential voting system.

A: That makes no-

B: Yesterday was the first past the post.

#2066

How do forest-guarding creatures achieve their potential?

With elf-help books.

#2065

"I feel so peaceful, coach."

"A bit sleepy, though, coach."

Sixtus gazed glumly from his star quarterback to the rest of his team, who were staggering into each other and giggling. He sighed.

"I said, get into the end zone. Not the Endone, the end zone."

#2064

What do you call someone who makes sly plans involving decorative arts?

Crafty.

#2063

Darren regretted having his bathroom designed by toddlers; the resulting design was very infant-tile.

#2062

What fruit is favoured by supporters of circular logic in categorical imperative philosophy?

Kant-e-loop.

#2061

What do you call an ill-humoured lever operator?

Cranky.

#2060

The lingerie model tried desperately to stop playing video games, but she had an ass that wouldn't quit.

#2059

What do you call people who must return to an Asian island after finding Jesus?

Borneo-again Christians.