#1813

What do you call a busker's guitar?

An instrument of change.

#1812

A: Why was there no post yesterday?

B: The writer was called to form the first of the letter sequenced British secret service groups?

A: What are you talking about?

B: He was MIA.

#1811

What container do scientists use when experimenting with birds?

A beaker.

#1810

The duck liked its new mask; finally, it had found something that fit the bill.

#1809

Why couldn't the mathematician prioritise his equestrian training?

He always put the Cartesian before the horse.

#1808

How did the master thief get past security?

No one could stand against his stealy gaze.

#1807

Where do Irish farmers grow rice?

In Paddy fields.

#1806

A: Why was there no post yesterday?

B: The writer was enjoying the fifth birthday celebrations week for our blog.

A: That's very irresponsible.

B: Yes, the fifth birthday celebrations are weak for our blog.

#1805

How do you describe the body of someone whose ribcage has been mangled?

Dis-organ-ised.

#1804

What do you call a forbidden marsupial?

A banned-icoot.

#1803

What do you call it when a contortionist pleads?

Supple-ication.

#1802

Which cousin of the Yeti is the most sarcastic?

The Sass-quatch.

#1801

Dom the computer programmer was happy to use a Java-based alternative, especially since it loaded as quick as Flash.

#1800

What kind of call can you make when your phone battery is dead?

A all that is free of charge.

#1799

"They are completely out of place," said Zannen, who could only think in terms of Mars products, "like peas in a Pod."

#1798

What do you call someone who would be able to be a superhero?

Cape-able.

#1797

Which hit of the alternative rock group Pieman and Garfunkel told the story of an animal shelter built entirely out of parts taken from transmission towers?

The Pound of Pylons

#1796

How do doctors patch together damaged tissue?

With cell-o-tape.

#1795

What do you call a place of worship for the ordinary bloke in the street?

A chap-el.

#1794

A: Why was there no update yesterday?

B: The writer was pelted with orange seeds when he tried to publish it.

A: I don't even want to know what -

B: He was pipped at the post.

#1793

What do you call a Simpsons character who is hurt by the owner of the show's nuclear power station?

A Burns victim.

#1792

What do zombie physicists want?

Branes.

#1791

The landlady grew sick of her renters constantly calling her to say that they were stuck in cracks around the house; she felt that they had taken the term "lodger" too literally.

#1790

What did the magically sentient gun do when it realised that it was killing people?

It recoiled in horror.

#1789

What do you call the minimum number of citations required for an essay?

A quote-a.

#1788

What do you call a queue of students waiting for a whole school gathering?

An assembly line.

#1787

What do you call a group of stockbrokers all renting together?

A share house.

#1786

A: Is the statistician capable of handling this variable?

B: Yes, he's very-able.

#1785

What document details the knowledge to be covered in an Indian cookery course?

The curry-culum.

#1784

What do you call a chain of optometrists?

A franch-eyes.

#1783

What did the old milkmaid say when regretting her career?

"If only I could churn back time."

#1782

A: Why was there no post yesterday?

B: The writer decided to wait one day so as to make this one truly a-May-zing.