#1569

What do you call a cat's journey to find formal garments?

A purr-suit.

#1568

What was the athletics coach's favourite photography technique?

Time laps.

#1567

What do you call a confusingly structured science workplace?

A lab-yrinth.

#1566

The first sex robots were very difficult to use; it was far too easy to blow a fuse.

#1565

How did Dylan Thomas cut his date's lip?

He did not go gentle into that good night.

#1564

Years of working in the traffic centre of an airport had made it very hard for Eloise to maintain a relationship - all her partners complained that she was too controlling.

#1563

Why did the auditor hate inspecting the nail salon?

They had the most complicated filing system.

#1562

After the first engineer's arms were chopped off by the malfunctioning device, none of the others were willing to try their hand.

#1561

How did Dylan Thomas stub his toe in the garden?

He did not go gentle into that good night.

#1560

Why did the computer programmers want to make sure that there were no elephants on the internet?

They would squash it.

#1559

What do you call secret tribal rituals?

Clan-destine activies.

#1558

Why did the general enter his soldiers into a car race?

To rally the troops.

#1557

A: Do you always read the whole newspaper?

B: No, just whatever artickles my fancy.

#1556

Why did the fashion designer refuse to wear ripped jeans indoors?

Because they were meant to be worn out.

#1555

Upon arriving in the colony of blind people, the bodybuilder realised that here, his physique was absolete.

#1554

How would eating pork lead to peace in the Middle East?

It would allow all factions to find salaam-i.

#1553

Which friend of Winnie the Pooh sacrificed his life for his acting career?

Piglet, for the role of Hamlet.

#1552

What do you call it when a lot of people have been slain?

A slew.

#1551

What kind of meat is always spoiled?

Off-al.

#1550

What do you call a plant that reproduces inconsistently?

Spore-adic.

#1549

Where can couples who can't decide which way to vote meet other indecisive strangers for sex?

A swingers club.

#1548

A: Why wasn't there a post yesterday?

B: Yesterday was Wednesday.

A: So?

B: I decided to honour the original meaning of the day.

A: How?

B: Yesterday, all the readers were asking themselves, "When's today's post arriving?" Thus: When's-day.

A: Once again, did you break the blog schedule just to make that -

B: Yes.

#1547

Otto didn't like being criticised for his habitual tardiness; he preferred to think of it as a latemotif.

#1546

Bakers are often sardonic; they're known for their rye sense of humour.

#1545

What do you call it when an anarchist has diarrhoea?

Dissentery.

#1544

Clara couldn't resist purchasing socks, but her husband Robert was more of a shoe man.

#1543

After the disgraced cyclist developed a large boil, the doctors had to lance Armstrong.

#1542

Why can't anyone remember wearing tight bras?

Because they're repressed mammaries.

#1541

After deciding to enter publishing as well as fashion, the company was renamed "Abercrombie and Fiction".

#1540

A: Where did you get the money to pay for a gardener?

B: From my hedge fund.