#1477

The secret to Anais's longevity as a furniture maker was her deep-seated belief in the quality of her sofas.

#1476

Why was the spider embarrassed when its web fell apart?

It fly had come undone.

#1475

How did Ancient Egyptians navigate through documents?

By scrolling.

#1474

What do you call an egg-filled bread bun?

An embryoche.

#1473

The fly, unfortunately for itself, alighted on a combustible substance.

#1472

Olivia believed that getting her name onto one voting list would lead to many others; she felt that she was on a roll.

#1471

What do swine use to write letters?

A pig pen.

#1470

A: They decided to hire an exorcist.

B: What could possibly have possessed them to do that?

#1469

Rui was disappointed to find out that cocaine was not all it was cracked up to be.

#1468

Why did the apple go to the gym?

To build its core strength.

#1467

Why does the Queen only play poker on the toilet?

Because she's always guaranteed of a Royal Flush.

#1466

When the escape artist decided that she wanted to release a DVD of herself being fastened to the ceiling; she knew that she had to organise a live taping.

#1465

A: Why did you tell him to take up smoking?

B: He asked me for add-vice.

#1464

When do nuts wear jeans?

On cashew-al Fridays.

#1463

After trying it a first time, the new blood donor decided to carry on in the same vein.

#1462

A: Oh no! This man had most of his body chopped off in the accident! He will never be whole again!

B: Well, he certainly looks the part.

#1461

The crime historian merely wanted to write the wrongs of the past.

#1460

Clare the theatre director, nursing a broken arm, was struggling to adjust the rehearsal schedule; for the hundredth time, she cursed her inflexible cast.

#1459

A: Do you believe the story about Jesus and the fruit tree?

B: No, I think it's entirely fig-titious.

#1458

The pinboard monitor believed that the best form of defense was a good tack.

#1457

How can you tell that a printing press has never been used?

Its hyphen is intact.

#1456

Leaving a relationship can be a painful process of ex-traction.

#1455

After observing the holes clearly cut into the pile of papers, Yannick had to concede that the device did indeed pack a punch.

#1454

A: I have so much weaving to do! I won't be free for ages.

B: Cheer up, I'm sure it won't be all doom and loom.

#1453

Venus Williams was known for being a calm child, but her sister was serener.

#1452

What do you call an organisation bookkeepers wearing suspenders?

Gartered accountants.

#1451

What do people say when they realise, for the first time, that they are not white?

"Well, colour me surprised!"

#1450

The gay man rolled out of bed and picked up his phone to check his matches - it was time for the daily grindr.

#1449

The statisticians called for a pause to calculate the averages. Meanwhile...

#1448

A: Why did you interrupt everyone with your twerking?

B: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to butt in.