#1386

After rumours of a rebellion reached the capital, the dictator's council advised him to reign in his tyranny.

#1385

From what book do cowboys take religious instruction?

Giddy-on's Bible.

#1384

What did the hairdresser say to the chicken vendor?

"It's not about the nugget, it's about the lice."

#1383

Awareness of the irony of the situation prevented the torture exhibition's staff from stopping ticket scalpers.

#1382

After compiling a montage of her different roles, Tereza began to reel in film roles.

#1381

"After all, your Honour, it's called the e-con-omy. I rest my case."

Eros's career as a defense attorney for fraudsters was short-lived.

#1380

Amid their attempts to reduce the length of the soccer's official rule book, FIFA officials have been accused of attempting to cut corners.

#1379

British locals have been increasingly having children with African immigrants. Not since before the industrial revolution has the United Kingdom seen such a high number of black Smiths.

#1378

The police sergeant gazed glumly at the wall, which bore a lush covering of soapy bubbles, and sighed.

"I said I wanted you to think about a deterrent for graffiti, Gravener. Not detergent. Deterrent."

#1377

What do you call the assessor of a shooting exam?

A marksman.

#1376

It is conventional for a furry porn actor to have a skunk double.

#1375

A: I can't believe you cut off my water supply! This isn't funny, B.

B: I think you need to make more of an effort to understand my dry sense of humour.

#1374

A: What do you say when you want him to write?

B: Inscribe!

A: And when you want to dismiss him?

B: Out, scribe!

#1373

What kind of guard stands in the middle of a camp?

A centry.

#1372

What kind of drink is designed to help reptiles?

Gator-aid.

#1371

What do you call a work of theatre sent in the mail?

A post script.

#1370

Where does the Vatican keep records of its cancelled marriages?

In its Annuls.

#1369

"Your diction is excellent, but you are very poor at dividing food appropriately among your guests. You will have to take allocation lessons."

#1368

Boris Nemtsov, an outspoken critic of the Russian government, was killed after disPutin its practices.

#1367

Why did the cat shed in the garden?

To furtilise the plants.

#1366

Too weak to be a piano mover, Alan decided to transport triangles - however, there wasn't much work, even after he advertised himself as the first real shapeshifter.

#1365

What did Odysseus's Chinese crew member say about the seductresses of the sea?

"The Sirens was deafening."

#1364

What do you call a Mexican hairdresser?

Ombré.

#1363

The hardest part of being a sniper is maintaining focus.

#1362

Which dance is traditionally performed against the barriers between rooms?

The walltz.

#1361

In the scarecrow's opinion, the adjacent rosebush was just a thorn in his side.

#1360

The taxi driver was disqualified from the race for starting early; he was now the first cab off the ranks.

#1359

What is the sauciest seafood dish?

Anything with periwinkles.

#1358

The female greenhouse curator was fired after numerous attempts at smashing the glass ceiling.

#1357

What brand of condoms did dinosaurs wear?

Do-rex.

#1356

What do you call a relative sleeping on a serviette?

Napkin.