#1296

Why is it fun to go adventures with kitchen burglars?

You know that they're whisk takers.

#1295

Glenys's "original" cake recipes were in fact stolen; she was secretly sponging off the work of others.

#1294

Normally, Declan wouldn't have complained about the head of a school, but this time he felt that it was a matter of principal.

#1293

A: How did she go on her final tests at the tennis academy?

B: She aced them.

#1292

What do you call the list of items on the syllabus of an Indian cookery school?

The curry-culum.

#1291

A: Is that high quality crayfish?

B: Naw, that shit cray.

#1290

A: Whenever I see a Nativity scene, I can't help but wonder what the angels are doing.

B: Just chilling in the crib, I suppose.

#1289

Why did the company sponsor elite tennis players?

They were guaranteed of strong returns.

#1288

After his service game failed, Bernard was a broken man.

#1287

Working as an assistant to the clumsy milliner, Tess had to be ready to tidy up at the drop of a hat.

#1286

A: How much does a typical amputation cost?

B: An arm and a leg.

#1285

The warden didn't appreciate the prisoners complaining about their food at his annual review; it would only add gruel to the fire.

#1284

Why did the wildcat have to continue with basketball even though he wanted to play tennis?

Because a leopard can't change his sports.

#1283

What do you call the period of heavy traffic that occurs when a large number of clients need to visit their gynaecologists?

Thrush hour.

#1282

When does traffic become irritating?

During pique hour.

#1281

Why did the parish hire a forger in response to the rival church's festival?

To produce a counterfête.

#1280

The gangster mechanic did most of his work in the hood.

#1279

A: Do you think we'll be late?

B: Not on my watch!

[A moment of silence.]

B: Because we'll check the time. On my wa-

A: I WILL BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH A CLOCK.

#1278

Lisa the tattooist dreamed of being a famous author; one day, she hoped to write a navel.

#1277

What do you call a story about guns composed of letters exchanged between the characters?

A pistolary novel.

#1276

"My dear Archimedes, you must stop running naked through the streets. Every time you discover something, Eureka lot of mayhem."

#1275

Christine didn't think too much about money; she spent it very cash-ually.

#1274

What did the tiger police officer say to the tipsy Bengal?

"You must be saber to drive."

#1273

What did the religious cheesemaker say when things got out of control?

"Jesus, take the wheel."

#1272

What do you call an enormous tumour?

A melon-oma.

#1271

What do you call the sadness experienced when a cantaloupe goes rotten?

Melon-coli.

#1270

The police sergeant gazed glumly at the illegal substances before him, then at his youngest charge, who was standing to attention next to the piles of leaves and beaming proudly. The sergeant sighed.

"I said I wanted potted plants for my office, Jackson. Not pot plants. Potted plants."

#1269

How do Spanish tennis associations raise money?

They hold a Rafa.

#1268

Teacher: Use the word detention in a sentence.

Student: When I feel stressed about the possibility that you might give me a bad grade, that's D-tension.

#1267

When do Australians make friends?

During the mating season.

#1266

Estonian artists are internationally considered to be quite Tallinnted.