#1235

What did the antivirus software developer say to the malware?

"Norton my watch!"

#1234

Everyone at the theatre company was amped to meet the new sound engineer.

#1233

The chef was deeply moved by the honour of representing her country, and provided a stirring rendition of the anthem.

#1232

After losing his tongue, the animator was rendered speechless.

#1231

What did the soldier say when accused of having unoriginal shooting methods?

"Mimicry is the highest form of battery."

#1230

The anarchist sous-chef was always trying to stir up trouble.

#1229

A: I can't find any good recipes to use all these eggs and speck.

B: Maybe you should lower your egg-speck-tations.

#1228

A: The kangaroo keeps hitting its head on the roof of its new enclosure.

B: Well, that was bound to happen.

#1227

What do junkie pastry chefs do in their spare time?

Get baked.

#1226

The dog sat patiently under the sweet syrup, hoping that some would eventually treacle down to him.

#1225

I wanted to make a pun about painting, but I'm afraid that those kinds of jokes don't come easelly to me.

#1224

Bricklayers don't get drunk; they get plastered.

#1223

How did Sebastian the crab get satellite television reception?

He used an Ariel.

#1222

The wafer factory faced its greatest challenge yet; truly, it was crunch time.

#1221

When placed under scrutiny, the self-loathing coffee maker couldn't stand his own ground.

#1220

The other fundamental forces found gravity condescending; they didn't appreciate its top-down manner.

#1219

What do you call a portable sleeping bag?

A napsack.

#1218

A: Do you think I should get a dual-boot computer?

B: No way! That sounds like utter chaOS.

#1217

What happened to the computer programmer who developed a cough?

She became a hacker.

#1216

What do you call the act of killing someone with fermented fruit juice?

Homi-cider.

#1215

Where do seabirds invest their money?

In an alba-trust fund.

#1214

What Chinese-Greek crossover myth tells the story of the most beautiful long-legged bird in the world?

Heron of Troy.

#1213

A: Do you think two people are more likely to date if they take the same classes?

B: Only if they have chemistry together.

#1212

The unwitting statistician found the average without meaning to do so.

#1211

On what machine do angry people exercise?

A cross trainer.

#1210

The priest had become adept at nearly all aspects of fishing; yet, he still refused to master bait.

#1209

What do advertisers and electricians have in common?

They're both good at plugging things.

#1208

The comedian always kept her appointments; she would never stand up a date.

#1207

The incompetent fisherman was even worse in finance - he struggled to keep a float.

#1206

What is the favourite mathematical concept of dressmakers?

Tailor polynomials.

#1205

What do you call it when rappers murder their close friends?

Homie-cide.