#1204

What kind of dog is also a green vegetable?

A broc-collie.

#1203

Which country is responsible for most of the world's spam?

Botswana.

#1202

A: I need you to find the screwdriver.

B: Is this it?

A: That's the ticket.

B: Oh. I thought it was a screwdriver. I'll keep looking.

#1201

What do you call a female masseur?

"M'lady."

#1200

The junior sergeant, frustrated at missing out on yet another promotion, rankled with rage.

#1199

The oyster fisher liked to live life on the dredge.

#1198

Where do ironers address the media?

At a press conference.

#1197

What is the favourite dish of Greek mechanics?

Spanner-kopita.

#1196

What does a farmer use to wake up on time?

An alarm cock.

#1195

Romanian universities are growing increasingly concerned about a prevalence of Vlad culture.

#1194

After being bribed by dessert manufacturers, the nutritional values authority had a tendency to fudge their results.

#1193

After an argument, many couples like to reconcile by imagining minor religious denominations together. Some claim that fighting is worth it for the make-up-sects.

#1192

The cinema manager's psychological issues revolved around her habit of projecting.

#1191

The toymaker considered building some plush toys, but eventually decided that he couldn't be stuffed.

#1190

What's the worst punishment for someone who hates card games?

Solitaire confinement.

#1189

Which rapper was famous for only showing off one third of his abs?

Tupac.

#1188

What did the snake charmer say in Nicki Minaj's bakery?

"My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns."

#1187

The manicurist's accounts were organised in a meticulous filing system.

#1186

"I value your input."

Regina's partner had asked her to be more vocal during sex.

#1185

The mildly famous army recruiter was an N-list celebrity.

#1184

Katia had never intended to be a secret agent; her curious nature had simply spy-ralled out of control.

#1183

"Do you think the blind guy was the murderer? I'm not certain of it, it's just a stab in the dark."

#1182

How do couples get back together after breaking up?

They re-pair their relationship.

#1181

A: There's been a kidnapping in the land of Hyrule!

B: Oh no! We must find the missing Link!

#1180

"Aha! We shall never need chickens again!"

Hillary had not quite grasped the concept of eggplants.

#1179

The necrophiliac was happy to eat the overcooked rejects from the pie shop; after all, she was used to having crusty things in her mouth.

#1178

Applause was forbidden at the sexual health conference, for fear of spreading the clap.

#1177

The anarchistic fence-builder railed against the system.

#1176

The thrill-seeking painter enjoyed many a brush with danger.

#1175

What style of music is most popular among the homeless?

Ragtime.