#1051

What do market vendors do when they're reluctant to set up their shops?

Stall.

#1050

Why is juvenile diabetes the easiest medical specialisation?

It's like taking candy from a baby.

#1049

Which composer wrote music which attracts fish?

Bait-oven.

#1048

What did the potato say to the other potato that was going on a voyage?

"Godspud."

#1047

The label-making colleagues were renowned for their skill as a tag team.

#1046

A: I could kill for some chickpea dip.

B: I didn't know that you had hommus-cidal tendencies.

#1045

In hindsight, everyone agreed that it had been an unwise decision to end the International Epileptics Conference with a fireworks display.

#1044

After delving into the bucket of worms, finding them unsatisfactory, and leaping out again, the fisherman's cat watched proceedings with baited breath.

#1043

As the laundry attendant and the pastry chef were dealt their cards, the crowd watched with bated breath, eager to see who would fold first.

#1042

Why do police officers make good percussionists?

Because they're always on the beat.

#1041

What kind of psychic predicts the future from tropical trees?

A palm reader.

#1040

Hyman the butcher had never heard of the expression, but nonetheless he couldn't comprehend why everyone seemed so unenthusiastic about tonight's "sausage party".

#1039

A: Do you always want a quilt at night during winter?

B: I'm afraid I can't answer that. I try to avoid blanket statements.

#1038

As a beginner skier, Madison struggled with the steep learning curve.

#1037

In desperate times, a stockbroker will hold down the Shift key in order to raise capital.

#1036

It had been a long day for the alcoholic nymphomaniac. She was going to need a stiff one.

#1035

How did the asthmatic feel at the church service?

Incensed.

#1034

Young architects often look at the design of grand cathedrals and a-spire to such greatness.

#1033

A: I hate the way that magazines solve all beauty problems with "starve yourself".

B: Well, if you don't like the colour of your hair, it would probably help to diet.

#1032

My biological mother identified as a man. I admired his openness - he was always transparent.

#1031

Where are French sweets traditionally burned?

On a bonbonfire.

#1030

What do you call an adult female clay pigeon?

A bricklayer.

#1029

The swipe card system functioned well at some times but failed at others; overall, it was touch and go.

#1028

Teacher: Use the word disable in a sentence.

Student: The slaves thought, dis-Abe'll set us free.

#1027

Cain had had enough of his brother's Abelist privilege.

#1026

"I hate fairies," said Marty.

He wasn't homophobic. He was just a very racist pixie.

#1025

What did Mr Miyagi say in the beauty salon?

"Wax on, wax off."

#1024

The ancient religion, much like its adherents, could be destroyed by a blow to the temple.

#1023

After negotiations failed, the florists resorted to violets.

#1022

The head seamstress surveyed the trainee's work and sighed.

"If all you can make with a sewing machine is large rectangles of cloth, then I'm afraid it's curtains for you, my dear."