#535

"Hey there, handsome. Looking for a good thyme?"

Shane knew that he shouldn't have visited the red-light herb district.

#534

He proposed to her using balloons? What a beautiful way to pop the question.

#533

Several stimulant drugs give their users a feeling of invincibility. If you see a gingerbread man claiming that nobody can catch him, he's probably baked.

#532

Giles wanted a full time job at the nut factory, but all that they could offer him was a cashew-al position.

#531

Goblins are not known for their soap operas - or anything to do with soap.

#530

Kyle had dozed off while making soup; now, as the pot bubbled, he stirred in his sleep.

#529

Some people said that Christian was the complete package; others called him an absolute tool.

#528

What do prisoners use to make calls from jail?

Cell phones.

#527

The chocolate poisoner faced time behind bars.

#526

A: Which way do I wear it?

B: I don't know. Is there a label?

A: It says that this end is the front.

B: Ah, but that might just be a front.

#525

"It has come to our attention, 007, that you have fathered a good many children over the course of your various liaisons. So, MI6 has decided to give you some time off to get to know them. It should be a good ... Bonding experience."

#524

A: I think my Russian friend is gay, but in denial.

B: I see we have a Communist in the closet.

#523

"I've wagered ten quid on Tony trimming the shrubbery, and ten quid on him not doing it. I'm hedging my bets."

#522

A: How long will it take you to make an animated image?

B: I can have it done in a giffy.

#521

The plutocracy of monkeys had turned the zoo into a banana republic.

#520

Sarah the horse had had enough of moving from one rented property to another; now she wanted a stable residence.

#519

I know what metal is used to make computer chips, so any attempt to trick me into believing otherwise is a silly con.

#518

Talking about computer components makes my mother bored.

#517

The unprepared cheerleaders were never going to win the contest - they had no chants.

#516

A study has shown that petting baby ducks is the most effective treatment for depression. So, if you're feeling down, you should try feeling down.

#515

A: You're drinking an entire bottle of vodka?

B: Desperate times call for desperate measures.

#514

Today, pikelets are a breakfast food. However, in the Middle Ages, they were used to skewer barbarianlets.

#513

Why is playing Quidditch like arresting an clandestine informant?

The game ends when you catch the snitch.

#512

Politicians must pay particular attention to firefighters and strippers, as their dealings with these groups have a huge impact on the poles.

#511

The Sound of Music exposes many real problems with the society of its time; most poignantly, the lack of social clubs for goatherds.

#510

Updating the scoreboard at rugby matches was a frustrating task for Jimmy; he found it very trying.

#509

Which chemical element represents fraternal camaraderie?

Bro-mine.

#508

What did the priest say when he saw the incense?

"Holy smokes!"

#507

You seriously want a urine sample? All along I thought you were just taking the piss.

#506

A: Oh no. Oh no, B! I think the cannibals are going to preserve us in vinegar!

B: Well, it seems like we're in a bit of a pickle.