#413

Baking chocolate sweets will earn you brownie points.

#412

Despite the creative attempts of Jim's lawyer, "getting into the Olympic spirit" and "misinterpreting the meaning of breast stroke" was not a valid defence for indecent assault.

#411

A: Fifty bucks is too much for a burger!

B: It is very deer.

#410

"And this is my friend Leila. She lost her eyes about ten years ago. Hey, Leila! Long time no see!"

#409

What did Oliver Twist say in the Indian restaurant?

"Please can I have samosa?"

#408

Why is graphic design like performing baptisms?

You have to choose a font.

#407

The mad scientist often argued with his laboratory equipment, but he could never have the last word with the retort stand.

#406

Models are used to being photographed; this is why they are such snappy dressers.

#405

I hate playing International Relations Uno with her. She always plays the race card.

#404

Carl, whose only skill was jumping from one pony to another at full gallop, had a brief circus career, since no one wants to see a one-trick pony, even if he is a one-two-pony-trick pony, because that sounds like someone using a pony's inability to count in order to deceive it, which is just mean.

#403

What's the best part of a cooking contest?

The nom-ination process.

#402

"If you're an amputee and you know it, clap your - oh. Never mind."

Some people may find this offensive, but I say it's just an armless joke.

#401

Many people exercise to tone their body, hoping to obtain, among other things, a gluteus minimus.

#400

Embroidery is sew totally awesome.

#399

Helmut is a designer who has combined his passion for underwear and food storage, creating pantryhose and larderhosen.

#398

Why is underage drinking illegal?

To avoid minor hiccups.

#397

Given the option of the euro, Britain is debating whether to remain bound to the pound, or to call it quids.

#396

What do you call someone whom birds can easily persuade to surrender his food?

Gullible.

#395

What did the funk musician say to the driver of his van when he wanted it moved to a road over a river?

"Take it to the bridge."

#394

A girl-ant sinks in water. A boy-ant floats.

#393

The Netherlands has a surprising level of homophobia for a country that relies so heavily on dykes.

#392

For Graham, the experience of losing his eyelids in a laboratory accident proved to be a real eye-opener.

#391

On which Greek island were boxes invented?

Crete.

#390

Troubled by constipation, Stella sought a spiritual director, to teach her to let go.

#389

The torturer found that the electric chair was his most effective device. Its victims always confessed to being guilty as charged.

#388

It don't matter if you're black or white.

The motive for the suicide of Michael Jackson's chess teacher remains a mystery.

#387

At the start of a book, the names of all those who are satisfied with it are listed. This list is called the contents.

#386

A: We are willing to negotiate a pro bono scheme for you.

B: Bono? Why does this concern U2?

A: It concerns me because I am making you this offer. It all hinges, of course, on you accepting the medical experiment.

B: The probe? Oh, no!

A: Yes, the pro bono. It relies on you agreeing to a painless procedure which will be carried out using a totally safe device called the UpRobo.

B: UpRobo? No!

A: Yes, a pro bono. I believe that we have already established that.

#385

In hindsight, it was probably a bad idea to serve spotted dick at the herpes support group's annual luncheon.

#384

On her first day of work at the nursing home, Madeleine learned that the "here comes aeroplane" technique was not effective with suppositories.

#383

It is best not to argue with waiters, or tennis players, as there is a high risk of being served.