#260

Finding out that he suffered from erectile dysfunction was very hard for him.

#259

The thief escaped; that is to say, he stole away into the night.

#258

It takes six tubas to play twelve-bar blues.

#257

Teacher: Use the expression village green in a sentence.

Student: The one person in any small town who is always ill is called the village green.

#256

I met an utterly deranged man today. He has a cupboard in which he keeps the bones of people who never admitted to being gay. At least, I think that that's what he meant when he said that he had some skeletons in the closet.

#255

The Catholic Church has released a statement in which it expresses its strong opposition to queue-jumping, including testimonies from couples who decided to wait.

#254

This dish of fish looks very in-whiting.

#253

A: That building's about to fall to the ground!

B: I'm glad that you understand the gravity of the situation.

A: That's horribly insensitive! Do you know how many people are going to die when that skyscraper collapses?

B: That's towerible!

A: This is no laughing matter! I cannot stand your heartless mockery any longer.

B: Nor can the building stand any longer.

A: That is enough! You have gone too far. You are being charged with criminal tastelessness. As your punishment, you may choose either to take a corrective course, or to pay a fine.

B: My only options are coarse and fine? Don't you have anything in between? Medium grain, perhaps?

A: There is another option. It involves me shooting you.

B: Oh no! Don't jump the gun! I don't want to bite the bullet!

Pause. A gunshot.

B: What triggered this, A? I barrel-ly said anything.

#252

A: You confused the nominative with the accusative.

B: Well, in that case, I'll fix it.

#251

A: These conical tents are the typical dwelling of the Native Americans of the Great Plains.

B: One could say that they are their teepee-cal dwelling ... A? Where did you get that tomahawk, A?

#250

A: I believe that what was keeping everyone awake was an aesthetic issue.

B: Really? Anaesthetic usually puts people to sleep.

#249

A: You were afraid of a moth?

B: It was enormous!

A: You were afraid of a slightly larger than average moth?

B: This was not simply a large moth. This was a behemoth.

#248

A: Have you seen that magician's trick? It's amazing! Poof! And it's gone!

B: Kind of like a gay pride march.

#247

A: Why are you hitting me with that coin?

B: I'm trying to knock some cents into you.

#246

He would have sued the reckless brain surgeon, but he didn't have the nerve.

#245

Every now and then, I swallow my hands.

And then...

I throw my hands up in the air sometimes,
Saying ay-oh, got to let go.

#244

When protecting her musical instruments from the elements, she was very thorough. She always made sure that she covered all her basses.

#243

For hospital administrators, the most important area of mathematics is the order of operations.

#242

Which novel by Charles Dickens tells the story of a young man convicted of indecent assault?

David Cop-a-feel.

#241

Why do the police carry Tasers?

To charge people.

#240

Who is Krishna? Would he like to borrow my razor? I am referring, of course, to Hairy Krishna.

#239

I want to buy a long, narrow inlet between cliffs, but I can't affjord it.

#238

I want to buy a car, but I can't afFord it.

#237

Teacher: Use the word despise in a sentence.

Student: De Spise girls are my favourite band.

#236

Teacher: Use the word Tardis in a sentence.

Student: The tard is trying to eat his pencilcase.

#235

The angry birds launch furious attacks at self-satisfied pigs who lie around doing nothing all day. It's Gender Studies the video game!

#234

What do you call a domesticated wildebeest?

A tame-e-beast.

#233

Drinking alcohol can be whisky.

#232

The aspiring actor auditioned at the bakery every day, but never got a roll.