#1781

Brenton was not happy with the location of his medical rounds; he felt that he had to question his placement.

#1780

Why were the police pursuing the hay thief?

He had breached his bale.

#1779

When is frizzy hair sexually attractive?

When it's an afro-disiac.

#1778

A: I can't believe you left me dangling off that cliff?

B: I said I'm sorry. Don't get all preci-pissy about it.

#1777

What kind of quiz format is the easiest for quilt stuffers?

Fill in the blankets.

#1776

What do you call a wig made out of the bodies of sea people?

A merkin.

#1775

When the dessert appeared before the main meal, the diners realised that the dinner had veered off course.

#1774

Kevin felt that his premature ejaculation was the worst of his short comings.

#1773

How do coal miners find spouses?

At carbon dating events.

#1772

What do you call it when someone can't see because there is fat on their glasses?

Blard vision.

#1771

Kim encouraged her students to share their sheet music; she had no time for petty score keeping.

#1770

After running out of breath early on, the flautist searched for a more sustainable solution.

#1769

A: Why was there no post yesterday?

B: The writer was having a Pingu-themed day off.

A: That's not a good reason.

B: More like noot a good reason.

A: I will pulverise you with an ice pick.

#1768

Why did Hitler do so well on his high school exams?

He had the solutions for finals.

#1767

The hyena licked its lips. The solitary zebra in front of it was stripe for the picking.

#1766

Why did the lions go to Mardi Gras?

For the Pride March.

#1765

Why was the first Pope unable to finish his sentences?

He always Petered out.

#1764

Ian was impressed with Kleenex's latest developments; their new line of tissues, he felt, was not to be sneezed at.

#1763

Amelia felt insulted by her neighbours who played darts with parasols; she felt that they were always throwing shade.

#1762

Henry the American author was known for being meticulous; he was anything if not Thoreau.

#1761

The exercise book manufacturers were losing money uncontrollably on their new design, but couldn't escape the contract; they were in a binding spiral.

#1760

A: Where was yesterday's post? That's the third time that the schedule has been broken this month.

B: I don't know. If this gets any more infrequent it'll be updated weakly.

#1759

After noticing a widespread fear of light rail, the community rallied to combat tramsphobia.

#1758

Adam the opera lover felt that hearing instruments being adjusted to Baroque pitch really lowered the tone of an event.

#1757

A: Why was there no post yesterday?

B: All the bloggers were at home masturbating.

A: What? Please don't say-

B: There was a writers' stroke.

#1756

What do you call the distribution of faeces?

Scattering.

#1755

What do you call it when someone is fired from their job making Hawaiian floral wreath?

Leid off.

#1754

What do you call a tortoise that is overly protective of its partner?

Shellous.

#1753

What do you call a game show crossed with a cooking program?

Quizine.

#1752

A: Why was there no post yesterday?

B: The writer was out looking for unmarried women.

A: You don't mean-

B: Yes. He went missing.